Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5

Family/ Shool ; MIT essay-My world shaping my aspirations;


ssaxena 1 / 5 1  
Dec 19, 2012   #1
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations? (250 words)

[u]My Essay:[/u]

As a child, I have grown listening to stories from my grandfather and eating food through my grandmother's hands. In the evening when my parents returned from office, I used to take them to McDonald to buy me a 'Happy Meal' for the small toy that came free with it. Every morning, while waiting for my School Bus, I used to peep inside the McDonald's window to see the latest toy and finally grab it in the evening. For this child, every thing was as easy to achieve as those small electric toys. This child hidden in me still empowers me to aim big because he thinks that even today the world will conspire to get him what he wants. However, the wonderful realization is that, how the desires have changed: from collecting electronic toys to creating electronic marvels. This dream inspires me to be an engineer at MIT.

My school has been a wonderful place to be in. I entered as a casual individual and would pass out as polished person. I realize that my journey was the real reward. It was the sense of belonging that I had towards my school that made me contribute to it's community in various ways, right from closing the running water tap that everyone ignored to being the school ambassador or the Head Boy. In return, I automatically became more proficient. I was selfless yet I got much from my school. I made a mark. I'll do the same, wherever I go!

...
PS: It's the first time I am putting up my essay to get an opinion on it...! I'll be thankful to you all if you not only give me suggestions but also tell me how you felt after reading it !!

Thanks !!
AryanK 5 / 20 3  
Dec 19, 2012   #2
I think you idea is very clear and vivid. You have written that you had keen interest since childhood in discovering and exploring new things like for you it was a toy in childhood that captivated you. You shared an anecdote and that's a good approach to begin with. But I think you need to work on the second paragraph, tell the admission officer something unique about your upbringing, or school, club or any activity experience because the prompt clearly states to "describe the world you world come from" so I guess tell more about your school. In the first para "For this child...what he wants" can be concise and clearer. Rephrase that part. Other than your essay and idea is too good. Best of luck!
linting2012 10 / 78 18  
Dec 19, 2012   #3
I agree with AryanK, The second paragraph seemed out of place. Probably linked it back to why you want to be an engineer?
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Dec 19, 2012   #4
Hi ssaxena,

In the evening when my parents returned from office,Ithey used to take themme to McDonald to buy me a 'Happy Meal' for the small toy that came free with it.

... I guess you want to tell that your parents took you McDonald and bought you a Happy Meal :)

For this child, every thing was as easy to achieve as those small electric toys.

I guess you can present this idea better, keeping a better alignment with your previous sentences. : ) ....
The world I grew up made me believe that everything could be achieved easily, just the way I managed to have all those toys into my possession.
chiragjain 2 / 8  
Dec 20, 2012   #5
Nice! i really like the way you connect mcDonalds to convey your point.


Home / Undergraduate / Family/ Shool ; MIT essay-My world shaping my aspirations;