Hi, everyone! This is my UVA supplement essay. Could you please give me any suggestions about the content, grammar, structure, etc? Thanks a lot.
Prompt: Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.
I live in a family of three people. Among them, my father has extremely significant influence on me, which makes me decide to choose Computer Science as my major at university. He is an expert in computing. When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I always stood beside my father, watching him work with his computer, which gradually cultivated my interest in computer. Actually, my father never taught me anything; instead, I developed my skills just by watching and of course practicing. When my father was outside, I often turned on the computer, imagining myself as my father, and imitated his using the computer, such as reinstalling the operation system, or entering the UNIX System instead of DOS or Windows System which is much easier for me. Sometimes I would like to dismantle the main board into sections and then join them together in order to see how they were arranged and worked.
My father once sent me to a scientific and technological school during summer holiday when I was 12 years old. This was the first time I gained the professional education on computer. To my pride, I was the youngest and one of the most excellent students, while all the others were adults who had already got jobs; when they had problems in class, I could always help them. Because of this, I gained a lot of praise from others, including the teacher. Of course I got the Certificate of Primary and Secondary Level in computer later. When my friends and neighbors had problems with their computers, they always asked me for help and I always succeeded to solve their problems. Since then, they always called me "a little engineer".
My interest in computer was then highly promoted. At weekends, I often go to the library to read books on Computer Science, where I taught myself one of the computer languages, Visual Basic. Long ago, I found the calculator, an accessory in windows systems, lacked on some functions, such us the display of complex numbers. For instance, when I type in the square root of -1, it shows 'error'. Therefore, I used VB to make a program of calculator which can display complex numbers. This was my first design of computer program and I really enjoyed myself thinking how to design the program.
My family and surrounding circumstance have shaped my dreams and aspirations; however, my story is just beginning. I am still on the way through my splendid future.
just a couple of grammer/spelling/awkward sentences
on me, which made me decide to choose Computer Science
and of course, practicing.
and (no need for this and) imitated him using the computer, such
Windows System, which is much easier for me.
Sometimes I would like (get rid of this) to dismantle
and so on
this is just from the first paragraph
just review it more and correct more small errors such as these
I'll add one more suggestion:
This sounds almost like it is not YOUR interest to pursue computer science, but your DAD's interest. You can change it like this:
Among them, my father's influence is extremely important to me, which makes me decide to follow his example by choosing Computer Science as my major at university.
That makes it seem like a celebration of your father, rather than a situation where he pushes you into a particular program...
Oh, here is another one:
This was my first design of computer program, and I really enjoyed myself while thinking about how to approach it.
