you
I'd avoid using you's, as a general rule. Makes your essay sound informal
my best physics teacher
not sure what you mean by best. Favorite maybe?
but I created ones for my own as per my interest and if conditions would not allow it to grow I would continue to endeavor of exploring my interest on my own.
It's very awkward wording and although I get your idea, I would formulate in a different way, simply because saying that if you fail, then you'll still pursue that interest doesn't sound as nicely as simply say that you've contributed a lot to your clubs
but I created ones that nourished my interests; not only did I spend time and energy on these clubs, I also grew my passions alongside.
... still sounds pretty weird...but i think you get what i mean
My father always used to tell me that in a dense jungle one has to find a path or make one!
this sentence is pretty awkward and doesn't provide the necessary transition for your immigration to US
I am secretary of e-club and also technical assistant for website club.
that's ALL your interests? or did you just want to underline your special contributions...then put, I was particularly engrossed in a few clubs and became blabla
Do not look at the person who owns a BMW and feel down. Always look at the person riding a bike and feel blessed
this is the typical money doesn't buy happiness, so do not covet lesson. Is that what you want to convey?
opportunity in adversity.
your adversity seems to be a lack of resources, not necessarily monetary, so I wouldn't use the BMW quote.
overall, good essay. does answer the prompt and convey your unique background. However, could be made more emotional and "touch" the reader.