the deadline is in a few days!!!
This was really rushed...and I really want to know if i am answering the prompt, and how much unnecessary things i have. I also need grammar help!
Thanks!!!
Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is imporatnt toyou and why it is important.
It was a typical Tuesday morning, I remember trying to get just a few more minutes of sleep when rustling disturbed me. I woke up annoyed as I heard a door close. I wandered around the cold empty house to see what was going on. I called my mom only getting her voice mail, which upset me because this meant that I had to rush and walk to school. Just as I was walking out my door, I received a call from my sister and I asked her what was going on. There was a moment of silence. "Hanbyul... Mom is in the emergency room." I was shocked. I immediately felt guilty for my selfish attitude. I thought about many things that morning as I walked to school. I imagined how the absence of my mom's presence would affect my life and my family.
Dinner that night was quiet. My family awkwardly began to speak, and slowly realized our importance to one another. I smiled, and thanked God that my mom was even alive, but I knew there was still a chance that that my mom might not be in the same world as me in a few years. I had to snap out of my selfishness and thought about the support I could offer to this family. I slowly stepped out of my comfort zone and pledged to support my family with simple tasks like doing the dishes. After that night, I started to think of others before myself and sought to take on more responsibilities.
My family and I hoped for the best, but it turned out that my mom had a late stage Large B-cell Lymphoma cancer. The news was heart breaking. I knew that this burden could not just go on my mom because we were family. It was my job as her son to go through the pain and hardships with her. Even though I had been babied all my life as the younger child, I knew I could not stay in the lazy lifestyle. I began to spend my personal time visiting the hospital, cooking, and doing chores around the house. It was a massive sacrifice for me and I was forced to grow up. I realized that no one stayed at home more than I did and I became aware of the responsibilities that I needed to take on. I would run home after school to make sure that there were no workloads if my family were to walk into the house while my personal tasks sat on top of my desk. As a senior, I was busy trying to get college applications done while actively helping out the family. I had to miss out on many of the "senior activities" like football games, eating out, or even just relaxing with friends.
I recognized that my priorities had changed. My passions and desires have adapted for what mattered the most. In the mean time, the selfish and childish part of me matured. I became a reliable and helpful member of the family. These small tasks helped the rest of the family relax after a stressful day and allowed for us to express problems and open up during the evenings. Each day I found our family becoming more and more dependant on each other in the face of adversity.
Almost three months have passed, and my family and I have gone through numerous ups and downs; however I feel that we have never been more unified. We spend more time together, and our lives are filled with genuine smiles. I have taken my family for granted for most of my life, but I realized how vulnerable and easily broken we are as human beings. Consequently, I learned to cherish every moment and smile that comes from the people that I love. In the midst of all this chaos, I was able to open my eyes to something that was really important: being a family.
My alarm does not go off until fifty minutes later, but there was so much noise around the house.
- that is improper english, it should be: Usually my alarm doesn't go off until fifty minutes after that, but there was so much noise around the house I couldn't stay asleep.
I thought of the possibilities my life without my mom
- should be: I thought about how differently life would be with my mom.
I really like the ending!! So touching!! :)
thanks!! i edited a little bit but i think i should leave it raw for others to read lol
When you use words like could'nt did'nt I've, etc, it is better to write it's full form it would give a more mature vibe to your essay.
I got out of bed at 6:50 AM, and wandered around the house to see what was going on.
The house was empty and cold and very unusual, since I always get a ride from my mom, as she leaves for work.
There was a moment of silence... and she said that our mom went to the Emergency Room and they do not know the cause of her illness yet. Try breaking this sentence into two
I thought of the possibilities my life without my mom. Improper grammer structure.
We were maturing day by day. Instead of sticking this sentence in your essay try relating to how your family was ableviouse to such disaster occuring in your guy's life.
My sister had midterms, while she stayed next to my mom every single night at the hospital.
Our desires and passions had to be put aside for the greater good. Define the greater good, I know what it is, but it would be much personal if you defined it.
But I realizedThis experience made me realize how vulnerable, and easily broken we are as human beings and. I realized that I cannotcan not afford to feel depressed, and hurt in times of trouble.... EXPAND: WHY?
Consequently, I learned to cherish every moment, and smile that comes from the people that I love.
Even in the midst of all this chaos, my family opened their eyes to something that was really important to us, being a family. LOVE THIS SENTENCE :)
Pretty GOOD ESSAY
By the way, what college do plan on attending?
6.1:
Try to emphasize a differentiating quality that separates the reaction you had from the way most people would react, or one imagines people would act. As is, the content is more a reliable expectation that is known to result from an experiment than anything unique. The writing is strong enough though that if you just gave it more thought, you could have a powerful essay.
i want to create a new post! this ones too messy
but here's the almost final draft if anyone wants to revise!!
