I need help with grammar and cutting this down to 1000 characters..it is currently 1200 with spaces
My earliest career aspirations included doctor, veterinarian, and President. After discovering my fear of blood, fear of small animals, and fear of profound criticism, I found my aspiration in becoming a businesswoman. Living in a small town focused on small business flourished my dream and gave me the opportunity to intern at ******. At first, walking up to the copy machine made me feel intimidated. I, an inexperienced high school senior, was surrounded my successful veterans in the field. I've begun warming up to the employees and volunteered my ideas, something I never imagined myself doing. While I am still new, it is clear that this is something I could spend my life doing. The small business atmosphere makes it easy to experience all the critical aspects that go into a business. While I sometimes do "office chores" the incredibly helpful employees often make me feel just like them, giving me critical tasks. I focus on marketing and accounting skills, spending every Tuesday and Thursday creating Excel spreadsheets, analyzing sales, and promoting manufacturer's products. When I used to look at my family's work, I would often find it boring and pointless. Now, looking at numbers and graphs creates new meaning for me.
Hi, Samantha)
You say you want to become a businesswoman, an entrepreneur, right? But in your essay you only talk about your " accounting and marketing skills" and nothing about your entrepreneurial skills, which are the main component of becoming a businessman. So try to shift the emphasis of your essay on how you developed entrepreneurial skills (ability to weigh risks, having a broad and flexible outlook, creativity etc)
