Prompt: Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
This is my start to this essay, and it is definitely not finished but I would love any feedback for it. Any advice or edits you can give me would be amazingly helpful. Feel free to tear it apart too, don't be scared. :)
If there is one thing that is universally true about human nature, it is this: we all want what we don't have. People who have curly hair want straight hair, people with blue eyes, want brown or green or hazel. It is not that people are greedy, it's that the exotic intrigues us, makes us desire what we can't possess. This phenomenon occurs not only in wishing for something different, but also in the admiration of something that one may consider ordinary. For example, who we are, where we grow up, how we speak.
The summer before sophomore year, I went on an exchange trip with 8 other students from Sonoma County to Japan. In Tokyo, there's not much of a difference in living, ignoring the food and language-it's a city life, just like San Francisco or New York with thousands of people of all different races, not just Japanese. The cities like Hiroshima and Kyoto are not so close to American culture but, seeing as they are very popular tourist destinations, they still attract a wide variety of peoples-Hiroshima being the place of the nuclear bombing, and Kyoto being known for it's spiritual destinations. Even in these cities, where people of different ethnicities are not exactly "the norm" but not sparse either, we began to notice strange things like the eager waves from people we've never seen before and the excitedly whispered conversations off to our right and left. It's not something that you really ever stop to think about, but looking back it occurs to me that that was something different. It's not everyday that somebody gets excited when you walk down the street; it's as if they thought we were famous.
The last stop on our trip was the sister city of Santa Rosa: Kagoshima. Our first few hours there were nothing different than where we had been before; then that night, my host family took me to a traditional summer festival and this is what I noticed: groups of teenagers and younger children would huddle together and stare at me as I walked past as if in awe and amazement. As their courage grew they would send scouters to approach me asking me for pictures with them and to talk to them in English and scampering excitedly back to their friends to show it off. It was the weirdest experience of my life. They treated me like I was some kind of rare bird that to catch on camera was a proud accomplishment. To them, we were amazing, new, unique. They found it so spectacular, the idea of being "white," in such a positive light. It felt as though sometimes there was a wish for that, to be Caucasian instead of Asian: the died blonde hair, the obsession with pictures and the language, the colored contacts. It's something that I've never seen at home, or at my school but it is something that is definitely there. That desire for difference is strong, but whether in a good way or bad, that is still yet to be decided.
i thought you should describe a difference. but you only brief described a photo-taking and english-talking experience. you should emphasize on the difference, such as eating or communication difference between us and japan.
Hey! Finally getting to read your essay. I'm just an okay writer.. sooo I don't knnow if you should listen to everything I sm about to tell you, hahaha.
"For example, who we are, where we grow up, and how we speak." It was sound right with no "and", but it seems grammatically correct.
"the dyed blonde hair". Wrong word choice.
Put a little more emphasis on the cultural difference that you experience. What made it different then what you're used to. How did you feel about it? Confused? Honored?
Otherwise it was really good. Just some tweeks. It'll transform into a beautiful essay. I'm sure of it. :)
Thanks so much! I'll work on it in the next day or so and repost it again! :)
1. Prompt: Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
Here's my first revision. Let me know if it works! :) Thanks.
I decided to scratch the whole beginning, I think it feels stronger without it. :)
The summer before sophomore year, I went on a month exchange trip with eight other students from Sonoma County to Japan. In Tokyo, there's not much of a difference in living, ignoring the food and language-it's city life similar to San Francisco or New York with hundreds of thousands of people of all different races, not just Japanese. The cities like Hiroshima and Kyoto don't feel as interchangeable with American culture but, seeing as they are popular tourist destinations, they still attract a wide variety of peoples-Hiroshima being the place of the nuclear bombing, and Kyoto being known for it's spiritual destinations. Even in these cities, where people of different ethnicities are not "the norm" but not sparse either, we began to notice strange things like the eager waves from people we've never seen before and the excited whispered conversations off to our right and left. It's not something that I stopped to think about at the time, but looking back I realized that that was something different. It's not everyday that somebody gets excited when you walk down the street; it's as if they thought we were famous.
The last stop on our trip was the sister city of Santa Rosa: Kagoshima. Our first few hours there were nothing different than where we had been before; then that night my host family took me to a traditional summer festival and I noticed huddles of teenagers and children staring at me in awe and amazement as I walked past them. As their courage grew they would send a brave representative to approach me and ask for pictures with them, someone whom they've never seen or ever known, accompanied by the excited waves and smiles as if they'd been my best friend forever. It was bizarre and probably the weirdest experience of my life. Wandering around the town shops I saw t-shirts and other pieces of clothing decorated with American words and sayings, in the same way that American's have t-shirts and tattoos in Asian languages, among others. Only rather than being short "words of wisdom" like Hope or Peace, there would be random words and pictures with no connection to each other, or they would say things like "Be HAPy! I'm JEwis", spelling mistakes and all. After a while we realized no one had any idea what any of it actually sad, and it was really just an aesthetic thing.
I had never really stopped to considered that life, culturally, was so incredibly different country to country, that my life at home was so immersed in the international world. It is not unusual for me to know people form all walks of life-African, Asian, European-but the friends I made in Kagoshima were so proud to be friends with an American; they would show me off to everyone at school, around town, wherever they got the chance. It's so odd to think how other people don't have the same kind of exposure to life that I live and love. Everyone is fascinated with the things they don't know, but in Japan, I realized the true extent of that statement, and it was something that I was glad to learn.
