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I am about the farthest thing from the stereotypical New Yorker - Breaking Stereotypes


chelseareana 3 / 8  
Nov 23, 2009   #1
This is the first draft of my essay with only some minor edits made. I was okay with it until my English teacher basically told me I should rewrite the whole thing. I've been having a lot of trouble figuring out how to fix it, and some honest opinions and critiques would help. It's pretty rough right now, though, so please try to be gentle (but still completely honest).

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I am about the farthest thing from the stereotypical New Yorker. I don't have an accent; I'm not super loud and overly talkative; I've never ridden a subway train, and, unfortunately, I've never even tasted a "true" New York style pizza. Webster is a small, suburban town in upstate New York. It's populated by about 40,000 people who are predominantly Caucasian and of the upper-middle class. I don't fit the Webster stereotype either, but Webster, New York is the place I called home for ten years. My family moved to Webster from Las Vegas in 1998, and growing up in a town far away from the rest of my relatives who reside in the West, and with few other African American families like my own has had a profound impact on me. I've almost always been the only black girl in my classes, but I've never let the stereotype of black students being lazy or underachievers hinder me from putting my all into everything I do. My parents are not the types who constantly make sure I'm keeping up with my work, but I've always done so anyway-they expect me to do my best, so I do.

Growing up in Webster, a place where being involved in the arts is encouraged, has veered my dreams in that direction. While many of my peers became involved in types of arts like music, dance and painting, my interests led me to enjoy a different type of art. There's a stereotype that says that almost every teenager dislikes reading. I love it. There's another that says that teens think writing is boring. It became my passion. Though it took me a while to completely accept this as my form of "art" after being scoffed at when I tried to explain my passion to my peers, I never stopped loving to write, and moving to California in eleventh grade helped to further cement this passion in me. Being introduced to a whole new world outside of Webster helped to transform my aspirations of becoming an author to a whole new level. Getting involved in journalism as well as a writing club at school, and being able to be around the rest of my relatives who constantly encourage me do what I love, I finally understand that writing is a dream that I no longer have to hide.

I have broken every stereotype ever made against me. I am the New Yorker who doesn't act like a New Yorker, the hard-working African American girl from the suburbs of Webster and the teenager who would rather curl up with a good book than go to a movie premiere. Breaking all these stereotypes has essentially made me who I am and helped me to define myself.

Just a couple questions:
Was it too vague?
Should I elaborate on anything?
Should I talk more about my actual family?

Thanks guys!
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 23, 2009   #2
not to break your bubble, but there are other non-stereotypical people. I hope you weren't stereotyping others as stereotypical when you wrote this. something I noticed, you said that you grew up away from relatives, but then later you say that they constantly encourage you. I got confused.

vague on how your world of Webster has shaped you. elaborate on how your world is, not just how you don't fit in with the world and are a unique person. talk about one aspect of your world, family, community or school, and go from there.
longyue 1 / 17  
Nov 23, 2009   #3
I guess your idea is clear to me: how does a girl from NY break the conventional bubbles? However, I think you need to elaborate on one small thing, not talking about everything. You need to open a small window and let others see your world through the window. I think it's no need to spend too much words saying how different you are compared to others. The REASONS that stimulate you to love reading but not movies, or motivate you to get good grades in exams are the most important. Is it because you love to challenge the cliches? Then what motivates you to do so. I think this point is the essential one.

These are just my opinions.

Take whatever you want.
OP chelseareana 3 / 8  
Nov 23, 2009   #4
meisj0n

Thanks for the input. I understand what you're trying to say. I think I'm going to try and re-do the entire thing and only concentrate on one specific thing like you say to do since it was really hard for me to fit everything in there anyway. Also, I don't really like using the whole stereotypes thing anymore. I'll change that.

longyue

I also understand what you're trying to say. I really do need to narrow it down more to make one specific point. I'll try not to just shove a bunch of things into one essay.

Thanks a bunch you guys. Your comments really help to make me narrow my focus more.
Godizgood 3 / 18  
Nov 23, 2009   #5
i think that you should change the aspect of your parents not really getting on you to do well in school. it kind of makes them look lazy . i know they said that you can write about whatever you wabt but the college people look out for negativity. your essay seems kinda vague you did not really elaborate more on your community since it was what you are talking about.

nice work girl and keep up with the writing
hope this helps!
doug 4 / 23  
Nov 23, 2009   #6
To make this better, you should really consider expanding on your last sentence: Who are you and how do you define yourself.
adanne1990 3 / 10  
Dec 19, 2009   #7
Okay now i think your essay has potential. However, i definitely would recommend you to elaborate more with how exactly Webster affected you growing up since you have lived there for ten years. I suggest telling the reader(s) more about that so that we can understand your point of view more. Oh and since art inspires you, tell the readers why it does. I mean does it help you express yourself? Allows you to be more free and open? Explain. Once you do that, then you're essay will be in much better shape I think :)


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