Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

fascinated in art, ( goals & future plans )


Starbucksxo 2 / 3  
Jan 21, 2010   #1
Hi need a proofreader.. =) por favor The title is your future goals and career .

Since I was a child, I was always fascinated in art. It wasn't until a few years ago I came to love pottery and photography. I love the complete control you have to sculpt an endless possibility if things from a solid block of clay; or by one step to the left or right can change your entire view on something giving you a new angle awaiting to be captured. Someone once told me life is just like a painting. It takes time to create your perfect piece, but even then it has a couple of flaws. Every person I meet leaves a mark on me and I do the same for them. Once I grow up I am what my creator has painted me to be, beautiful, with still a few flaws. From hearing this I was inspired to attain a career in art; where I can express my artistic talent. Where every piece I create will leave a mark on another person, hopefully brightening that person's painting.

As I got older I came to realize that there are so many forms of art out there that I have not yet had the opportunity of trying. I cant narrow down my major yet because of this. My goal is to try all of these forms, to find which I love the most. In doing this, I believe The College of the Bahamas can help me achieve that. With its excellent art program, I would be honored to start my journey at your school.

In the future I plan to open a pastry store. I love decorating cakes, and the College of the Bahamas can help me fulfill this dream with its art, baking and pastry courses.

Another dream I hope to one day fulfill is to form an organization that works along with the government to step by step beautify our Bahamaland. As a citizen of this country, I honestly do not believe Nassau is an appealing place to the eye. Therefore it is my missions to one day recapture that beauty.

With the experience and knowledge I gain from The College of the Bahamas I can gain a career ill love for the rest of my life. I want to excel. I am determined to push myself in all ways to succeed and fulfill my creative dream, to make something of my life.
ivan9210 5 / 26  
Jan 21, 2010   #2
Since I was a child, I was always fascinated in art. It wasn't until a few years ago I came to love pottery and photography You should say something like:

Since I was a child art fascinated me. However, only until previous years I was able to discover the fields that fascinate me the most, pottery and photography. Ever since then, I have come to love them... and talk about why you love them.

I love the complete control you have to sculpt an endless possibility if things from a solid block of clay What do you mean here? I do not understand.

or by one step or that one step to the right or left can...

but even then it has a couple of flaws and even when finished, it still has a couple of flaws.

From hearing this I was inspired to attain a career in art; After hearing this...

As I got older I came to realize that there are so many forms of art out there that I have not yet had the opportunity of trying..... that I have not been able to try yet.

to make something of my life. ....thing off my life

Hi

To be honest, I found this essay kind of disorganized. In the begining, I thought that pottery and photography were you favourite forms of art but at the end you say that you love many forms of art so I believe that you should say what you like about some other forms of art.

I like you ideas but you have to develop them more.

hope this helps a little.
xoxsueshixox 1 / 15  
Jan 21, 2010   #3
Ivan pretty much caught grammar problems.
I agree with what he said about the disorganization of this prompt. To me, the end was especially choppy.

In the future I plan to open a pastry store. I love decorating cakes, and the College of the Bahamas can help me fulfill this dream with its art, baking and pastry courses.

This doesn't really fit in the essay. It's odd, since you never mentioned about culinary interests
OP Starbucksxo 2 / 3  
Jan 22, 2010   #4
thanks you guys.. i honestly SUCK at any form of essay. i know what i want to say .. it just never comes out properly. but i did take all of your advice into account.. so thankx =)


Home / Undergraduate / fascinated in art, ( goals & future plans )