How did you choose your proposed Course and institution?
Ever since I was young, I had always been fascinated by medical science. As I develop into a teenager, my desire to be in the medical field grew and it had motivated me to study hard in school since then. I have always dreamed of becoming someone special and great that will make a difference in peoples' lives. One of the things that motivated me to specialize in Medical Science and Surgery was because of my grandparents who both had surgeries last year. One of the things that caught my divine attention was the lack of Urologists that were present in Fiji. These indicated that Fiji still need more doctors that specialize in rare fields. There seems to be an increase amount of expatriates coming to work in our country. I preferably think that there should be more opportunities given to students in Fiji to study abroad in order to gain more experience and help in developing the nation and promoting knowledge. Therefore, I have chosen MBBS because it will develop my skills and broaden my knowledge in medicine since I am very interested in this field. I also chose my course by researching online on the different courses of medical field but MBBS literally stood out and captured my attention from the rest of the field. I also did an online test (study portals) based on my personality and results indicated that I choose this degree since it matches my profile best. Upon choosing my institution, I did a research on a list of Universities that offered this course and so I chose University of Sydney because it was on the top three University of Australia and was ranked top 56th University in the world and was the first Australian University. There was also a great achievement where the cancer researchers had done a ground breaking research which will significantly help in identifying cancer treatments. The University of Sydney has a good reputation and is globally recognized. Hence, I firmly believe that the University will offer a breathtaking journey and will further broaden my knowledge, develop my talents and skills and will provide a worthwhile experience. This will uplift my standard and be able to drive positive changes, be an eye opener and help in influencing better medical experiences which will boost development in Fiji.
Hi luseveiogo,
your writing seems good, but here there are some passages that didn't convince me:
As I develop into a teenager, my desire to be in the medical field grew and it had motivated me to study hard in school since then.While growing up, my desire to live in the medical field become greater and greater, motivating me to study even harder at school.
I have always dreamed of becoming someone special and great that will (maybe could would be better here?) make the difference in saving peoples' lives.
One of the things that motivated me to specialize in Medical Science and Surgery was
that my grandparents had surgery during the last year.
because of my grandparents who both had surgeries last year.
These indicated that Fiji still has the need of specialized doctors in rare fields. There seems to be an increasing amount of expatriates coming to work in our country. I preferably think (Not sure, but maybe [i]In my opinion, is more elegant)[/i] there should be more opportunities given to for students in Fiji who want to study abroad to enlarge their experience and give a contribution in the development of the nation by promoting their knowledge.
broaden my knowledge in medicine, since I am very
What is more, I chose this course by researching online on among the different courses of in the medical field, but MBBS literally stood out and captured my attention from the rest of the field . Motivated by this, I did an online test on the study portals, which was based on my personality and, not so much surprisingly, results indicated that my choice of this degree is what matches my profile the best.
-Carefully check your punctuation, and, if you can, switch some of your adverbs with more emphasizing ones (e.g. interestingly, surprisingly, definitely, etc.)
Hope you'll find these corrections useful. Hope you the best of luck :*
