Promt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
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In middle winter 1992 I was born. At that time, Vietnam was going through revolution and reconstruction. We were in chaos, and were poor. And my family was at the lower classes in that society.
Although the first computer appeared in Vietnam in 1978, it was not until early 2000s' that computer and internet became more popular. When other children accommodated to computers, I was learning how to cook, to wash, to iron. To the child of a poor family like me, that machine was a magical property for which I could only stay from far away wishing.
My fascination for computer was ignited in my 14, when dad decided to buy one as our finance got better and his son's academic achievements, especially in Math, blossomed. From the first time I placed my hands on the keyboard, I was amazed at the seemingly unlimited possibilities a computer could provide. For the first time in my life, I felt such a boisterous urge to discover the mechanism of this device, how it operated, how it was developed, how it could be improved.
My decision to follow computer science surprises many people, especially when I had achieved a gold medal in International Mathematics Olympiad. But I'm confident in my choice. Besides, I receive supports from those most important to me. Mom and dad said they will try their best to enable me chasing my dream. My teacher told me that my choice was correct, as computer science was developed mainly from mathematics, and that I was not born for mathematics but for things which require more creativity.
I have been learning computer science for 1 year myself until now. I do not want to disappoint my teacher. I do not want my parents to work hard; they have done this all their life. And foremost, I'm determined to realize my dream-to become an expert in computer science
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I'm a foreigner, English is not my mother tongue, so I'm quite worry. Also, this essay has 317 words. So I would very appreciate any idea on how to shorten the essay, or gramma correction, sentence review etc. Thank you in advance!
you should take out the And in "And my family was at the lower classes in that society."
& just start My family...
"My fascination for computers was ignited in my when I was 14"
"enable me tochasing chase my dream"
"their life" should be their lives.
a little grammar errors, but great content!
Thank you Jessica Sanchez. I had corrected all of those.
Also, do you feel that my tone is a bit serious? monotonous? dark? unattractive? I think reading this can be quite boring, but I have no idea on how to improve it.
