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My fascination for process of invention; Carnegie Mellon; Major?


tofu 3 / 20  
Dec 30, 2008   #1
I'm unsure about the order of my paragraphs. I would appreciate any comments about organization, grammar, and the overall content. I'm afraid that this essay is too boring. :(

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

Growing up in an age of the greatest technological advancements, I have always been fascinated by the process of invention. When interacting with a device every day, it is inevitable that I be drawn to its inner workings. When my computer broke, I grasped the opportunity to learn about the machine in greater depth. I took apart my computer and learned the individual functions of each part. Although I am constantly feeding my relentless curiosity, my hunger for more knowledge only grows when thinking about the infinite possibilities in the field of computers and machines.

After understanding the computer as a machine, I desired to learn how to utilize and improve it. Taking a computer science elective in school, I learned basic programming skills. I was fascinated by the very idea of programming languages. With code, I could communicate with my computer. This epiphany triggered another: computers have an entirely different "thinking" process. I realized that machines possessed their own ways of computing and analyzing data than humans do, and I wanted to learn it. After several days of research, I discovered the study of computer science.

Equipped with my newfound knowledge in the computer's structure and language, I was ready for more. In my digital electronics class I learned how and what makes the computer function. Learning how to design, and build circuits invigorated me, because it brought computers to life. My understanding of a machine began to correlate to the system of a living creature. Like blood pumping through an organism's veins, electricity ran through the wires. As an animal needs its physical senses, a machine requires input data. Although many view computer engineering as a very concrete and rational area of study, I found beauty and elegance in its magnificence.

Computer engineering and computer science also attracted me because of its amazing flexibility in the world today. With rapid growth in technology, computers are necessary in sustaining and improving the conditions of human life. Because computer technology is so inextricably woven into our everyday lives, there is a constant demand for computer engineers in many different fields. Desiring an intellectually-challenging occupation, computer engineering will give me the opportunity to explore many areas of interest.

In order to unlock the many different prospects that computer engineering and computer science possess, I must be equipped with the proper knowledge. Carnegie Mellon's excellent academic program in both fields attracted me because of the many opportunities that would be presented to me. During the sleeping bag weekend, I was able to experience the colleges' tight-knit community, and very comfortable environment. Although Carnegie Mellon consisted of many colleges of different nature, the inter-disciplinary courses combined their differences with ease. When attending the computer science and engineering seminars, I saw that the university possesses the tools and education system that will train me for the real world. I expect my future college to adequately prepare me for my introduction to my professional career, and I trust Carnegie Mellon's top ranked colleges to do exactly that.

As a computer engineer and computer science specialist, I will be able to explore uncharted territories and improve people's everyday lives. The process of improving and designing astounds me because ideas have no boundaries. Invention is limitless. Everyday life possesses so much potential for progress, and the possibility that I could delve into those countless possibilities, excites me.
Linnus 6 / 89  
Dec 30, 2008   #2
That's definitely better than my CMU essay. =)

You should probably talk a bit more about the School of Computer Science and the programs and advantages it offers and how they relate to you.

Good luck!
OP tofu 3 / 20  
Dec 30, 2008   #3
Thanks Linnus :)
I'm going to have to refocus some points of the essay to Carnegie Mellon University specifically.

Any other feedback would be greatly appreciated. I hope it's not too cheesy!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 30, 2008   #4
After gaining some understanding the computer as a machine, I desired to learn how to utilize and improve it.

Learning how to design and build circuits invigorated me, because it brought computers to life.

In order to unlock the many different prospects that computer engineering and computer science possess, I must become equipped with the proper knowledge.

Not cheesy at all. Carnegie Mellon will be very lucky to have you.

Good luck!

:)
OP tofu 3 / 20  
Dec 30, 2008   #5
Thank you for all of your inputs! They were all really helpful and made me more confident in my writing.

Can someone tell me how to edit the post so I can remove the essay? I'm not sure how to and feel paranoid having it posted in public. :(
Linnus 6 / 89  
Dec 30, 2008   #6
The terms and conditions at essayforum.com/disclaimer-privacy-tos:

I wouldn't worry about too much about plagiarism. I believe people who are applying to CMU and other universities that you are applying to will have a better judgment than copying and pasting your paper.

Good luck!
OP tofu 3 / 20  
Dec 30, 2008   #7
Oh, well there's no way I'm paying to get it removed haha. Thanks Linnus! I'm assuming you're applying to a lot of the same schools as me. Maybe we'll see each other there. Let's kick some engineering ass :D
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 31, 2008   #8
Oh, I'm sorry for the worry, but actually the fact that you have your name attached to it establishes it as your essay, so it is a little like a copyright... preventing people from stealing it.

:)


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