Hi, I'm Leo.
I've researched and seen what the admissions council usually go for and that is introducing your essay with a personal narrative then transitioning to your accomplishments where you finally answer the prompt. I can't speak for all but this was the layout I decided to choose. I would appreciate if I could get some pointers on how to successfully address who I am and why I deserve to be at this school.
PROMPT:
What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT?
Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? (No more than 750 words, please).
In a small suburban house lived 7-year-old me, interested in Barbie dolls and online dress-up games. I loved the idea of customizing characters, because I had the possibility of giving them new personalities and features. Although, my parents strongly disapproved of this. Focusing on fashion games or dress-up was too 'girly' for boys. You had to grow up and resemble the image of strong iron hearted men that provided for their families. As a little boy, I've always been fond of fashion - there was nothing I wouldn't trade for the satisfaction of clothes. However, convincing my Latino parents to let me pursue fashion-related activities was difficult. Especially for an immigrant family that only wanted me to pursue more basic, well-rounded occupations.
From elementary to high school, conforming to normalcy was something I strayed away from. When my peers donned their Canadian red toques and plaid sweatpants, I wore something that looked like it came out of The Matrix. When they laughed, I wore more vibrant colors and odd proportions. When they misunderstood my purpose, I immersed myself more into fashion, analyzing the current collections on Vogue Runway. I disliked how my school lacked individuality and uniqueness. That is, until I found the Advertising and Marketing Communications program at the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT). It was a beacon of hope for me; a program that includes fashion and business. I have been working tirelessly ever since. From designing and modeling in my first fashion show in my freshman year to evolving my expansion into digital composition and excelling in courses like Marketing and Communications Technology.
I am currently the Vision Head in the United Artists Council. My role consists of having to maintain and craft the vision of the fashion show. The United Artists Council is a collective of seven heads that cultivate a performance show to raise money for a different charity every year. With the last performance able to raise over $3000, this year's charity is the Henry's Foundation; a Canadian-based organization that focuses on de-stigmatizing mental health. I also oversee the heads of design and modeling to make sure their work aligns with the basis of the theme. Currently, the theme I've made for this year's show was to promote the idea of a "sandbox", which is essentially a free terrain of creative expression. Exhibiting themes of inclusivity and diversity, the show will consist of both male and female students of all sizes and colors. I believe I am fully equipped with the required attributes for the challenging and insightful curriculum that the FIT has in-store for me. With over a year's experience as a Customer Care Associate at Leon's Furniture, I have been able to challenge and improve on my problem solving, collaboration, and interpersonal skills. I have also worked on the management side of Leon's - crunching numbers and hitting deadlines.
The Advertising and Marketing Communications (AMC) major is for people that want to make a change in the world. I believe being in a competitive environment will inspire me to think deeper into my inventiveness. It will be the inciting force to create new fresh ideas. The curriculum encourages students to work on their business and creative apprehension. The AMC major has classes that are necessary to thrive in the advertising and communication world. From programs like Excel and Photoshop, to workshops in Fashion Journalism and Public Relations, having knowledge in these subjects are crucial to achieve success in this industry. I can appreciate the fact that this program also has professors that are equipped with years of industry experience. This allows them to nurture and hone the skill of any student.
FIT is my gateway to success. Known for its diverse student body, notable alumni and faculty, FIT will help me thrive in an industry I am positive I will succeed in. I am aware that New York City is not for the light-hearted and will require a lot of hard-work to get to my desired destination, but I am prepared to take on any challenge FIT has to offer. With my determination and integrity, I hope to one day use fashion as an outlet to inspire young adolescents just like me to follow their goals and aspirations.
(Word Count: 729)Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 It is admirable that you are able to second guess what the admissions committee members will be looking for, simply by your research and imitation of the various other application essays available online. It is impressive that you know exactly what type of perfection you have created in your presentation, that your mind is now closed to any other suggestions for improvement, apart from what you DEMAND that the trained professionals and members of this forum review for you. It is fantastic that you do not need the help of the professionals , or anyone else, at this forum.
It is also, quite unfortunate that your DEMANDS fall under our paid services. As such, no review can be provided for your essay based on your DEMANDS anymore. Due the public post being a free service, the OP does not get to pick what kind of review will be provided. If you want that, then you have to pay for a private review.
Not to worry though, you know exactly what sort of presentation will get you into FIT anyway. You do not need the help of the consultants nor the members of this forum at all. You are set in your ways. So it is preposterous and useless to ask for help from us. You have no place here. This is a forum for those who doubt their capacity to properly develop their essays and students who actually want help with their application essays.
@Holt
Hey, I think we got off on the wrong foot! I know my writings not good, that is why I came to the forum to try and get some feedback just like all the students here. I apologize if I came off demanding, because that is definitely not what I'm trying to do. I definitely want help on my essay, and I again, apologize if I've said or worded something that may seem snobby, or elicit that I'm perfect - because I'm not.
