How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars."
~Khalil Gibran
My father was an abusive alcoholic. Most nights I'd hide in remote parts of the house hoping maybe this time he'd pass-out right away. Other times, I'd freeze in my tracks, unable to move or breathe, when I'd hear him come home from work. The throbbing in my ears deafened how close he was until his booming voice barked an order at me. I prayed for each of his blows to be the last. Every night I contemplated on how someone could find pleasure in causing others so much pain, on how his actions would reverberate into my character, on who was to blame-the predator or the prey.
I justified him. I'd tell myself that his father hurt him when he was young and he didn't know any better. He was mirroring something he saw growing up. Could this be what he thought good parenting? His dad hurt him and he turned out "successful" being a Master Chief in the Navy and married for almost 30 years with 2 sons and 2 daughters; maybe his theory was "tough love". But deep down, I knew it wasn't that simple. It wasn't an easily classified case of "projection" you'd find in a psychology book. He simply was a monster.
I knew I was no part of the equation that created him, and I would have no part of it after I left. Those thoughts, on rationalizing cruelty, on what I'd become, and on who was to blame - they later became the foundations of the woman I am today, how strong-willed I am and my capacity for compassion. I came to a conclusion that my father took the easy path, and I wouldn't. I'd take the harder road of tenderness and endurance that would one day lead to a fulfilling life of love and serenity. Nothing's given me any reason to have hope at this point, but I'm the light in my own dark world and I won't lose that. My pain and my past will strengthen others one day, and even though it will always be with me, I'll never become the monster my father is, I will always, always chose the light.
Hmmm, you described alot about your father, but you need to elaborate more on how that shaped you to be who you are.
You said your father took the easy path, and you wouldn't. Can you elaborate more on what do you mean easy path, and why you consider that easy. Also, state how will you do things differently.
For the last paragraph, the sentence "Nothing's given me any reason to have hope at this point, but I'm the light in my own dark world and I won't lose that" sounds like you are in a drama. Maybe you are emotional when you are writing this, but I think it will be better if you just state the essence, you believe in yourself.
Also the phrase 'My pain and my past will strengthen others one day, and even though it will always be with me' is not very good as well. You should say how your experience lead you to some kind of awakening, which becomes a part of your personality that is willing to help others.
Every night I contemplated on how someone...
Okay, I think you should not make the theme so negative. Strategically, it is good to inspire the reader and show through your writing that you do not focus on the demons, but instead, you focus on a clear plan for your future.
How has your background influenced who you are? This is about 2 things: your background, and who you are. Let's focus on who you are, because who you are is a person with a clear plan.
If you keep this all about pain making you strong, it will be very abstract and a little cliched. This part discredits you and shows you to be, perhaps, ill-equipped for focusing on your studies: Nothing's given me any reason to have hope at this point,...
If you want to impress them, tell the facts associated with the abuse, but do not write dramatically about it. Write dramatically about your excellent vision for the future.
However, this is just my idea for impressing admissions readers. Your essay is excellent already as a piece of good, emotive writing.
