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"Father and Daughter" - My personal narrative

iNEEDHELP504 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2011   #1
Father and Daughter

I never knew how much my father loved me, until the day I opened up a letter at my "Epatha" Confirmation Retreat. "Epatha" Confirmation retreat is a retreat where I go out to a place I have never been and stayed there for three days and two nights. "Epatha" Confirmation Retreat was located on the country side of Covington, Louisiana. During my stay, I am not allowed to bring any electronics, even if I did, it was pointless because I could not get a signal. We sang, prayed, and worshiped to God and Jesus Christ, Our Savior. Also I was assigned into a group that I had to consider as a "family." The group consisted of 6 students with two adults. Every "family" had to get to know each other better and throughout the retreat all the "families" compete with each other to see which "family" is the most spiritual. In the process of this retreat, every student received a letter from their parents /or guardians. The letter I got from my father was a life changing experience. Although we did not have a great relationship, I was surprised that my father, who I hated, wrote a loving letter to me.

As I grew up, my relationship with my dad got worse. My father would always go to work and I never saw him around, except for when I get into trouble at school. He came to my school, drag me out of the school, and whip my behind when we got home. We barely spoke a word to each other throughout my childhood. I remember one night, I was sleeping and my dad comes into my room yelling at me because he thought I let someone through my window. I was sleeping! How could I have let someone come through my window? He thought I was hiding a boy in my room. The next day he felt the need to board up my windows. I was so mad at him for doing that to me. He was overreacting for no reason. I tried to tell him that I was not sneaking around with anyone. He made a big deal about everything from then on. I could not stand it anymore. As a result, I came to hate my dad because he did not trust me.

During my childhood, I had to attend Sunday school because I am Catholic. Sunday school is where Catholic students learn more in depth about the religion. 11th grade was when I was able to go to the "Epatha" Confirmation Retreat. "Epatha" Confirmation Retreat is a time for students to reflect on Catholic religion without electronics. I was not allowed to bring electronics because it would distract me from the activities I was supposed to participate in. I dread on going on the "Epatha" Confirmation Retreat because I have never been away from home that long. I clearly remember the beginning of the "Epatha" Confirmation Retreat. It was a Friday afternoon and I had to pack all my stuff in a luggage for a three day and two night stay. When I finished packing, my dad drove me out to Sunday school for me to get on the bus on time. I got out of the car not saying a word to my dad, but I was hoping he would have encouraged me in some kind of way. All my friends were already there waiting for me to come along with them. Hugs and goodbyes were all I saw when I got there. As I was getting on the bus, I had a bad gut feeling about this retreat. I didn't know why I was feeling that way, but I ignored it and went on like nothing happened. Everyone on the bus seemed so excited to go on this so called, "life changing retreat." During the bus ride, I was napping while everyone on the bus was playing card games and singing to each other. Two hours later, I woke up and realized the bus just stopped in front of the final destination. I looked out the window to see that I was not in the city anymore, but I was on the countryside of Covington, Louisiana. I have never been to the countryside and being in the countryside overwhelmed me. The scenery outside was beautiful because it was spring time. All of the trees, flowers, and animals made me think about the important things instead of the materialistic things in life. Maybe God sent me to this retreat for a reason, to teach me something about myself.

Waiting for my turn to get off the bus was tiring because my teachers were taking forever to give instructions. I finally got off the bus and headed to the building with all the bedrooms. The building inside looked like an old basketball court, but has bedrooms inside. I was assigned to a room with four other girls on the retreat. I honestly rather stay in my own room if I could have. It was not that bad, because I got along with all the girls just fine. I barely spoke a word to anyone, because I was still in a state of being uncomfortable. When I walked in my assigned room, there were three bunk beds. I had no choice but to pick the top bunk because every other bunk was taken. After unpacking my belongings, I was told to go to the cafeteria to eat dinner.

My assignment for English is to write a personal narrative essay. I want to know what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong, or what should i do to improve it. Am I going in the right direction? What is your opinion? Anything can help. Thank you

Icecreamquest 6 / 15  
Sep 16, 2011   #2
My father would always go to work and I never saw him around, except for when I got into trouble at school.

At the beginning of your writing , I am told that you knew how much your dad loved you when opening his letter. However in the story , I could not find any sentences about this letter, but just about sth why the relationship between the girl and her father became so bad. Disppointed at the end of the story, only some details were described,without any description about the letter.So I am still confused why the girl changed her viewpoint .

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