My father's/family's impact on my life. UF ESSAY feedback

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

My father emigrated from India in 1973 to pursue an education that would far surpass one from India. Growing up in an poverty stricken home he was the eldest son and was the first in his tiny village to come to America. My father is the kind of man that will never assume the worst in people he never gives up on a person and will always wish them the best no matter what they have done to him. While seeing this particular lifestyle I have learned to become like him though I do not assume the best in people I often give numerous chances to a person and try to help them with anything I can.

I have learned to accept myself as a person and be proud of where I come from. While growing up I would never let my friends come over because I thought my parents and the house we live in was embarrassing. I now think that where I come from is an important part of who I have become today. I have accepted that there will always be those people that seem like they have your best interests at heart but will turn on you in an instant if they have something to gain. For example, last year while trying out for the brain bowl team the coordinator told me to give up because he would "for sure" get the last spot on the team. I channeled his negative feedback to overcome my nervousness and beat him out for the last spot.

While growing up in a family of seven, my four sisters have shown me what it will take for me to become successful and strive to become the dentist that I want to be. The age gap between my sisters and I range from six to thirty years. I have become close with my three youngest sisters and they often mentor me on what to do for school and what to expect with my given course load.

Challenging myself has always been an important part of who I am whether it is academically or physically. During my senior year of high school I have challenged myself to take six Advanced Placement courses. This year my course load has taught me how to manage my time efficiently and develop adequate studying habits.

Living within an hour of the University of Florida I have always grown up with the notion that it is a great university. Visiting the campus while my sisters attended did not have much effect on me, but visiting UF during my junior year in high school I looked upon it with a new perspective.

Wow, that story about your father being the first from his village to go to America is fascinating! Good start.

...that would far surpass one available to him there.

Add a hyphen and a comma:
...in an poverty-stricken home,

... and be proud of my origins.

Is there a word limit for this? If so, get rid of some less-necessary sentences to make room for more discussion of specific contributions you might make -- and also the stuff they asked for: student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

The most impressive way to respond to these essays is to tackle their challenge and really respond to the prompt. Refer to "campus citizenship," for example, and talk about a way you will use your insights to contribute. Good luck!!!!!