PLEASE let me know how it sounds! I still need to end it with how it has shaped me, but I just want to know where it is going.
I have always listened to my father's stories about his childhood back in Lebanon. He was always so excited to tell my brother and I about how great the people are there and how one day he hoped that we could feel the way he did about such a place. He told me about how he grew up in a world where he never wanted to leave, but was always worried that the occasional fighting, going on outside his hometown, would cause him and his family to look for a new home. I never imagined that one day I would be caught in the middle of that world.
A loud blast had shook the building and followed with an explosion. A missile strike had just toppled an adjoining hilltop and a fiery smoke began to tower. Being only ten, I panicked and ran to my hotel room, looking for my mom and brother. Once together, she told my brother and I that we had to flee the chaos and leave Lebanon only a week into our annual three month vacation. With the airport bombed, we were unsure by which route. I was disillusioned, thinking back to what my dad had told me about this wonderful world where he grew up, and so I began to draw away from it.
As an American, born into a traditional Lebanese household, it was a challenge. Trying to blend two contrasting societal foundations, I found myself clashing with both Lebanese values and the American way of life. I questioned being in Sunday school, learning Arabic and singing cultural hymns, which I thought were pointless living in America. Also, I was bothered with spending summer vacations visiting family in Lebanon and not understanding what they were saying. I much preferred the
It is a great essay overall; you have a very unique experience to describe in this essay.
However, I need more details. It seems like you are jumping around from paragraph to paragraph. I do understand your intentions and meanings, but I don't FULLY understand you because there is no vivid descriptions. For example, while the city, Lebanon, was bombed while you stayed, do you know who attacked that city? What was your father's reaction towards the event?
I want the same thing in the third paragraph, which talks about the cultural blending. Why did you try to blend the two cultures together? There are some people who do not even care about their heritage, shunning the other culture out of their lives forever.There got to be some kind of motivation. Elaborate on that.
The conclusion sound pretty good, though. I think you just need to specify what you want to major in. I cannot think any examples as of now, but I think you will pull it through.
Good luck!
P.s. do you mind if you read my 'no short cuts' essay? if you do, I will really appreciate it.
He was always so excited to tell my brother and I about how great the people are there and how one day he hoped that we could feel the way he did about such a place.
Here is another way you could say this: "He always wanted us to experience the same things that he did, such as the wonderful community that he came from."
He told me about how he grew up in a world where he never wanted to leave.butHowever, he was always worried that the occasional fighting g oing on outside his hometown w ould cause him and his family to look for a new home.
With the airport bombed, we were unsure by which route.
This sentence leads to no point, maybe say how there was additional confusion on how to escape, due to the airport being bombed, and say how you were able to get away.
I questioned being inthe reasons for attending Sunday school, learning Arabic and singing cultural hymns, which I thought were pointless for life in America.
