Prompt1: Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community or school-and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
The role of a father is to provide support and guidance for his family. Unfortunately, while I was in elementary school, my parents went through a divorce and my two younger brothers and I were left without a father. Years later, my mother met a man and before long, he became our stepfather. Even though he wasn't my paternal father, he supported my mother and guided me back to the correct path. Coincidentally, my stepfather used to be a neurosurgeon; he shouldered the misery of others and tried his best to guide them back to proper health. I was inspired. Ever since I found out about his history, I made it my goal to follow in his footsteps to become a physician my family could rely on.
When my parents got a divorce, not only did I lose a father, but I also lost his guidance. My mother was barely able to financially and emotionally support our entire family. As the oldest brother, I should have properly guided my brothers when we lost our father, but instead I became disobedient, discourteous and a disappointment to my family. My brothers thought what I was doing was correct and they copied me! At that point in my life I had no future plans and if I was left like that, I would have lived an unsuccessful life.
Fortunately, when I was in middle school, I gained a stepfather and he was able to correct my wrongdoings. He worked to financially support our family and, at the same time, he brought emotional support to all of us. Even though we were not blood related, he continued to give his all to give us a proper life. Personally, he corrected my flaws; he taught me what it took to become a doctor. He also taught me to have a gentle heart and to use it to help people in need. Like the captain of a boat, he guided us to safe waters and we were able to live a fulfilling life.
A father, like a physician and a captain, guides the life of others. The loss and the gain of a father helped me to look upon myself not as an unlucky person, but a fortunate one; I was able to learn from my mistakes. I had begun to lose my way in life, but with the help of my stepfather, I was brought back. Looking back at it all, I was amazed at how my stepfather handled our situation. He was able to guide me, my mother, and my brothers to live a successful life. Even though he and my mother are now separated, his teachings still live strong inside of me. Like my stepfather, I want to provide support and guidance to not only my family, but to all the people that I would ever meet. Someday, as a father and as a physician, I want to be the foundation that my family can build their lives upon.
It was well-written and a great story. I really liked it. Just to nitpick:
You speak of the guidance and how you were on the path and off the path but I don't necessarily see what is actually happening or what it means in reality when you are walking the path or not? Essentially I am trying to say you lack substance of what it means to be on the path or off the path (e.g. when you were a disappointment to your family; How? When you made it your goal to follow his footsteps in being a physician; how?). This may not be important and when I read your paper, I didn't think too much of it but just giving you a heads-up as to what a critical reader might notice.
"...and guided me back toon the correct path." -If you have "back" written there, then you should put some detail to how you were off your path before you had your first stepfather.
"...made it my goal to follow in his footsteps to become a physician my family could rely depend on." -with rely, you can keep it there if you like it. I thought depend flowed better.
"...was correct and they copied me!" -do you think the exclamation point is necessary? I think it can be seen as bringing life to the paper but it can very well backfire too.
"Even though we were not blood related, he continued to give his all to give us a proper life." -does this include your first stepfather? he second part of the sentence is redundant.
