Be harsh. I just need to edit quickly. Thank you so much.
Explain the world you come from-family, community, school- and how it has shaped your dreams or aspirations.
"If a house costs $250,000 and interest is 10% compounded annually, how much will it cost to pay off the house in 20 years?" That is the type of question my dad would ask on the way to school back in sixth grade in order to, as he explained, "keep my mind sharp". The most intelligent man I have ever met, he has continually encouraged me to learn more about the world. An orthopedic surgeon by profession, his schooling took an enormous amount of book knowledge. What I admire most about my father however, is that his inquisitive drive does not end there. He was the one who turned me on to Jimi Hendrix, explained to me what Film Noir meant, and gave me a detailed explanation of the Spanish American war. Constant curiosity gives him the background to connect with everyone he meets on some level. Whether that is a love of Will Ferrell, the commonality of growing up in the Bay Area, or politics, my dad always finds a way to talk to people.
Never once has he pressured me to do anything except to work hard and to try my best. Growing up in a middleclass family in San Francisco, he received little outside motivation, but still he pushed himself through medical school. Having more opportunity than he did, I do not want to take my college opportunity for granted. I aspire to have my father's drive and do it yourself attitude.
Although I am not sure where it will take me, I know I want to work in a field that involves travel and change of perspectives. I am continually drawn towards journalism, because of the people I could meet and learn from by the interview process alone. I see in myself, my father's desire to learn. He has always been one to engage life and take interest in anything and everyone. Torn between pursuing teaching and writing, the intrigue lies in making connections with other people. Entering college, I intend to take my learning outside of the classroom, aware of the fact that the world is larger than the immediate surroundings.
Marina,
i liked your essay. Great topic to talk about. Insightful. Although you talk about your father a great deal, you still brought it back to you. I dont know if my analysis is accurate but I kind of feel as if admissions people would question whether or not you could have talked more about you instead of dad. The entire intro paragraph is solely on your dad. This kind of worries me.
I hope this helps.
I would really appreciate if you could critique my essay for my uc prompt.
Thanks so much.
Greetings:)
Here are some things I found confusing...
AS The most intelligent man I have ever met, he has...
An orthopedic surgeon by profession , his schooling took an enormous amount of book knowledge.
Reword? I think you mean to say that because his profession is an orthopedic surgeon, he studied a lot, but the way you said it did'nt quite make sense grammatically.
Growing up in a middleclass family in San Francisco, he received little outside motivation,
Perhaps you could explain how he did not receive much outside motivation... possibly maybe his parents'did'nt speak english?
I aspire to have my father's drive and " do it yourself" attitude.
Hope I helped. Good luck on those applications:D
