Please give me some advises.
Even Harsh and severe critiques will be appreciated!!
Thank you ^^
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
When I was in kindergarten, all my father and mother had were a cramped single room seeped by cold water and covered by grimy mold; two grownups could have stretched their feet if there had been no any furniture in the room, a public toilet which, technically speaking, was not theirs and was used by more than 30 families together; every morning was every repetitive war, a small store in the innermost corner of a filthy and bustling market, and me. They started up their business, a wholesale, with practically nothing but a huge amount of debts from several banks, which were said to take over 10 years to pay off. In order to get out of that abysmal destitution, my father and mother worked hard together about 19 hours a day without one second of recess or intercession.
By the time I was a middle school student, I began to give a little hand for my father's store by carrying a pretty deal of boxes or sweeping the floor of the store after school or on school vacations. During these days, I saw my father managing the small store and unraveling problems he faced with aplomb. Sometimes he argues with other competitors for our store's selling products at low prices, or sometimes, he had to endure all the abuses bank creditors hurled at him, apologizing to them deeply with my mother running to restroom to hide tears for she knew what an employer was supposed not to do.
One thing that I never forget is that among these adversities and difficulties, he never stopped learning and reading books. Whenever I woke up early at about 4 o'clock, I saw my father preoccupied with perusing books with stack of books standing next to him. When he felt that he needed to learn management, he read a business book and when he was enmeshed in legal disputes, he read related books to defeat counterparts.
Until his business attained what could be called a successful business dominating more than 30 percent of the wholesale market in Seoul, the capital of South Korea, he manifested lots of things such as integrity, virtue, and compassion to me even in the desperate circumstance, all of which I believe cannot and should not be dismissed lightly. Living as a businessman is to encounter and overcome a spate of challenges and adversities. Definitely it is not that easy. But patience, sacrifice for his family, incessant learning, and calmness in any situations, which I think that students cannot learn at school unless they encounter them in person, have built up what I am now since our family had nothing but debts. I will definitely follow the path my father took and I have confidence in my conviction that I will have excelled my father one day for his legacies made me up.
all my father and mother had were was a cramped single room...
Say 'were'if they had more than one thing in the sentence. If the only thing they had in the sentence was a room, use 'was.'
carrying a pretty (no, pretty does not work here) great deal of boxes or sweeping the floor ...
you don't have to tell the reader Seoul is the capital of s. Korea. The reader knows. So... it is an unnecessary detail.
You write very well. I can't find much room for criticism because it is so thoughtful!
