ummm, my dad told me to write about this, is it weak?
Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.) 250 w
2012 was the most important and influential year of my entire life. The most challenging, yet beneficial event in my life happened when my father suffered from a stroke in early February. My father's entire right side was paralyzed. He was overseas for business in Beijing, and I was informed of it through an unexpected wake-up call. I heard the news, and could not react properly. Emotions and worries went surging through my head as I sat next to my mother, who was overwhelmed with tears.
The process of coping with such a traumatic event is difficult to describe. It really awakened me that events like this can happen anytime, and to anyone. My father was hospitalized for several weeks and my mother left me home by myself for a month. During this time, I took the time to reflect upon myself. I learned to cherish what I had and matured into a more family-oriented child. Not only did I need to help care for my father, I wanted to.
After a heartfelt reunion after weeks of reflection, I strived to be the best son I could for my dad. Through countless days of struggle to accomplish everyday tasks, I was there for him to persevere and get through the tough times. Even now, my father is still recovering, but we are working together towards a full recovery, as well as an even greater relationship.
The topic, your sentence structure and word choice, are good, but I believe that there must be more you can add to this. Many people are affected encounters with tragedies, and for understandable reasons. Death and danger of death is especially universal. However, this questions mentions that they want to know about you specifically. What personal development did you gain from this that only you could have gained? Your current essay is generally broad and unspecific currently, and does not say a lot about you as an individual.
this is really well written! be more specific about how you guys reconnected, it should be an essay about YOURSELF. how does this relate to the person you are today?
i really like the topic of your essay; however, i felt like you did not write about yourself or how it affected YOU. i think you also need to include more details, i need more of a picture. Maybe you should talk about what you learned about this experience you need a reflection at the end that does not sound so cliche
This is well written, but it does not appear to me as if you are writing about yourself. What has this event awakened in you? How has it affected your goals, your dreams, your personality, your attitude, etc? You strove (strived is not a word) to be a better son, but what does that mean? How has this affected, not your emotions, but your person?
Hopefully that helped. If you have a moment, it would be lovely if you could take a look at my essays!
I hope your father is doing better, and good luck!
