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My father suffered from strokes; Why nursing as my profession? Short /Long term goals


francescaniu 1 / 1  
Feb 1, 2013   #1
Hello!

I am in the process of writing my essay to the nursing school I hope to be admitted to.

The procedures are as follow: Your essay should reflect on why you have chosen nursing as your profession. What are your short-term goals? What are your long-term goals? These may include personal, educational and professional goals.

Here is my actual essay:

In my third year of college, I came to a frightening conclusion: I no longer wanted to study finance, the major I had pursuing for the past two and a half years. Slowly, I had grown discontent with my studies, losing interest in school work that failed to resonate with my changing goals. I no longer wanted to work in business; instead I wanted to work in a setting that allowed me to have a direct impact on the lives of others. After doing some research, I decided that I would like to go into the field of nursing.

Throughout the past five years I've spent a lot of time in the hospital. Five years ago, my brother was hit by a car that severely damaged leg. He spent months in the hospital, followed by an exhausting rotation of surgeries and doctors' appointments. Soon after, my father suffered a number of strokes, the last of which left him with serious brain damage and two-week stay in an intensive care unit. Through my countless visits, I began to grow comfortable at the hospital. More-over, I found myself in constant admiration of the nurses that worked there. The nurses I met were incredibly intelligent, industrious, and always helping others, whether they be co-workers, patients or visitors. These nurses were everything that I had envisioned for myself.

In regards to nursing, my short term goals are related to education. I place an emphasis on education because I believe it is the vehicle that allows us to move forward in our lives. That being said, in the near future I hope to attend an accredited nursing program where I can receive an encompassing education through rigorous coursework and gain the knowledge and skills necessary to become a competent, vigilant nurse in a variety of clinical settings.

In consideration of my long term goals, I must say that I don't what I hope to achieve. I say this not because I am an impulsive, reckless, young adult, but rather because I do not know where I'd like to be or exactly what I'd like to be doing in ten or twenty years. What I can tell you, with absolute certainty, is that I will be working in health care industry. Health care professionals have touched my life throughout the years and I feel compelled to leave a similar impact on the lives of others.

Please leave your comments or suggestions!
kabal 9 / 61  
Feb 1, 2013   #2
LOGIC.
After doing some research, I decided that I would like to go into the field of nursing. are you saying you made your decisions to study nursing based on research? Why didn't you research finance. ? i think should delete this sentence.

The second paragraph has a personal touch . this should, at least, be a motivation for you to study nursing. You should have stated at the beginning of the second paragraph that through your family struggle, you decided to become a nurse.

The last 2 paragraphs need a better introduction.
Grammar
the major I had being pursuing for the past two
changing goals this sounds like you are unsure of what you want. you could say something like: ... losing interest in school work that failed to

focus solely on profit and loss and less on people's happiness
\
hope i help

severely damaged his leg
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 6, 2013   #3
I think you can write really well. I didn't come across any grammar or presentation error to highlight except the following sentence which I guess a typo;

I must say that I don't what I hope to achieve.

However, I have this feeling which I must tell you. You talk about changing your major, which had been finance. Well... finance and healthcare are two disciplines that have very little or no correlation at all. So you need to provide them with sufficient information that you are equipped with whatever basic or prior knowledge to start up with the new major. That part is missing. You talk about how your passion for nursing was nurtured. But they may not be satisfied with your passion alone. Talk about your involvements with nursing projects or courses you followed to get into this new stream. "Research on nursing profession" too sounds pretty vague. What did you find our about nursing? What efforts have you made to get into this field?


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