Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Please make any corrections or suggestions that you can. Im sorry it is really long but i was really passionate about this topic and I hope it shows. Any feedback is appriciated.
In life many influences help to shape us but few are so great that they completely change us as human beings and the course of our life. Some have teachers, others celebrities, sports icons, or great thinkers but for me it is my father, Ndue Ndoj. My father is the father you envision when you think of a 1960s sitcom. He is loving, caring, and always there for his family but he has a certain foreign flavor to him that most parents lack. He is a man who demands discipline, respect, but would give anything for his children. He has been the anchor in my life that has kept me sane in this place we call our world. He has been the source of strength and determination that characterize me and he is the reason why I have become the person I am today.
My father through his words has tried to make me an honest, respectable, and hard working man in a world where unfortunately there are few. As a small boy, I was a naïve boy that did not realize the cruel realities of the world and the true nature of man but my father opened my eyes. In 1997, at the age of 4, my young mind received a shock that I would remember to this very day sometimes even dreaming of the horrors that I witnessed. 1997, Albania erupted into rebellion, which turned into full blown anarchy and the world around me seemed to crumble all around me and become something so chaotic and awful that it seemed to be hell on earth. My world was gone everything I knew was destroyed. Morals, ethics, humanity, kindness, kinship all thrown by the wayside, everyone seemed to let loose and in those days I saw the true nature of man and it terrified me. My father though never changed, he never bowed to the madness, he never let it engulf him and so he became my anchor in to a world that seemed so far away. He protected me from turning into a savage like many of my neighbors and so called friends did. During this time my father shielded me physically and emotionally from the world. He taught me to become a man who has priorities, morals, and who values both law and order. He spoke to me about things such as virtue, respect, and manners and he made sure that I learned them. He instilled in me a love for learning by buying me books to read and teaching me math and how to write. As a boy of four almost five I became almost a mini figure of my father. I loved him, respected him, and cherished his presence and the things he taught me.
After the rebellion was squashed and things turned to normal my father knew we had to leave and so he entered into the "lottery competition." If you won the lottery, you would be presented an opportunity to come to the greatest country on earth, America. He entered thinking it was a scam but hoped it wouldn't be and in three months time we received a letter stating we had won. My father without hesitation accepted the offer and had already begun to plan out departure. I saw in him though a sadness that I had not seen before. I realized it was because he was giving up everything. He was leaving his entire life, family, the only home he knew, and the job he had always dreamed of so that his children could be safe and have the best life the world had to offer. This fact weighed heavy on me then and now, it has become my drive for school, for my dream, and is something I always remember when I want to quit. After some time we came to America and my family was in a world that was foreign to us. My father the second day we were in America went to work with his friend at a tile company. He worked for over 12 sometimes 14 hours a day so that we could be provided for. He seemed to never sleep and was constantly holding his back but never complained. He never gave in and his sacrifices changed my life. He gave me the opportunity of a life time and in exchange he gave up everything. My father still to this day gives up everything he is to try and give me the opportunities to become all I can be.
My father sometimes jokes around saying that the dreadful communist system did not get him and neither will the capitalist system but I see that he is tired. He is a man who has given up everything for me, my brother, and my new little sister and there is no way we can truly repay him but we will try to by fulfilling the only wish he has ever had and that was for us to realize our dreams and become something. His influence is something that can never be replaced. He has formed me into the man I am today teaching me a love for learning, virtues, the importance of family, determination, and what sacrifice really means. I now say to my father your job is done. You have given me everything I need now its time I finally repaid my debt to you.
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence .
You did perfect on the first question but didn't answer well on the second question. I could feel your passion and I was really moved by the story of your father, but, are you just an observer ? What's your father's influence on YOU? You became more responsible, wiser, tougher, more considerate, or ...add something specific about you beyond your father!
I was realy moved by your story but I think it could be better.
This will be better:
...change us and the course of our lives.
Let's not awkwardly repeat "father" in quick succession:
My father Mine is the father you envision when you think of a 1960s sitcom.
Ah... this is powerful writing. It's perfect, brilliant. I like this: Morals, ethics, humanity, kindness, kinship all thrown by the wayside, everyone seemed to let loose and in those days I saw the true nature of man, and it terrified me. ---notice how adding that comma makes the reader give each part of the sentence the attention it deserves.
And I especially like this sentence, though I will cut one word: My father though never changed, he never bowed to the madness, he never let it engulf him and so he became my anchor in to a world that seemed so far away.
Here is another great sentence, but we can eliminate "that"
My father sometimes jokes around saying that the dreadful communist system did not get him and neither will the capitalist system but I see that he is tired. ---In a lot of sentences I write, I have to go back later and remove the word "that."
Very good stuff, here...
