"Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you."
I've already submitted this essay to U of Texas-Austin. Unfortunately, I just passed by this website yesterday, so I did not have the chance to post my essay to get more opinions:(
Please tell me what you think so I can decide if I should submit it to other schools or not!
Thank you so much!
"Buzz!"
Waking up with a start, I got off my bed to answer the door.
A big black package walked through the door from the cold air outside. I was urgent to give him a little bit of warmth, yet my cares only lit up his weary face.
It was the first time I saw my dad after his long absence.
Busy at work, my father has been working in China for more than 15 years. He comes back and forth between China and Taiwan a few times a year. He opened his factory in Shen Zhen when I was still a little girl. My biggest memory about him was at my 7-year-old birthday party, the year that I just entered elementary school. He put his smile towards me, as I was singing, laughing, and waving the colored ribbons on my hands. We took a family photo, which is still sitting on my desk. I could not remember what he really said to me in the old days. All the conversations and pictures in my head have become blurry, and now, I do not even want to browse through those helpless memories.
"Since when have we become strangers?" I thought. I watched him curl up in the sofa and turn on the TV, and then I walked back to my room.
Likely, we automatically create a fancy image of a family relationship under the information we absorb from the textbooks, TV shows, and any other sources that come from our lives. The blood-relative love builds a heavy bonding between the family members, without any other reasons necessary. Now this bonding has become a pressure on me.
My father is a self-governing person. He always tries his best to achieve his goals, though sometimes people around him do not identify with his thoughts. My mom says I am exactly like my dad, which annoys me a lot. Unfortunately, I am just as stubborn as him. He does not know me very deeply. I guess what he could possibly understand about me are just the facts which I would write on school journals, the ones that need to be signed by a parent before handing to the teacher. Sadly, for him, I have no more journals need to be done now. Sadly, for me, I never ask him to sign any of my papers and homework anymore.
In the summer of 2010, I went to visit my dad's factory in Shen Zhen. He brought me to hang around in the city. We finally had the chance to get to know each other. He told me about the stories when he studied at his university in the United States. He shared his depression when he met obstacles at work and told me how he crossed those difficulties. At that moment, I realized that his success was far beyond what I thought. He might have sacrifice his family time with me, yet he never even had the opportunity to choose since business fills his life.
This time with my father led me to change myself. I forced myself to accept that I needed to be as
independent as he is, for I do not want to fail him, even as I wonder he ever expects me to do so. He has had a profound effect on my life, for my selfishness won't allow him to know me, since I will not be able to fix my regrets about him in the past.
I love him. Again, I wonder how to rebuild back to the simplest love.
Maybe he just needs a glass of water when he returns home.
Hi, I admire you and respect your father when I read the article. As I understand, maybe this is the way your father explain his love. Your father is a person who take shoulder for the whole family to building a better environment. He takes all his time to focus on working and be an example for others, I believe his sprit influence on you as well. THis is the reason why he has to sacrifice the time with you. I thought you understand your fathers' situation and tried to keep touch with him. Sometimes maybe ring a call or leave a message about what you want to talk to him. Perhaps the relationship between you two will back soonx. I wish you the best!
1. I think its kinda risky telling the undergrad admissions that you prefer goal over family because you don't want to fail your father.
2. I feel like your talking more about your dad than you in this essay. Remember that college essay is to show characterize YOURSELF amongst other candidates. If your going to talk about your fathers influences, I recommend that you keep them limited and specifically explain how it really effected you, and not saying stuff like "This led me to change myself". Remember "SHOW DONT TELL"
