In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Standing next in line, the passing of the microphone continued. The spotlight was on me, hundreds of people stared while Ms. Peck handed me my kindergarten graduation diploma. She then crouched down to ask me a single question. So Elias what do you want to be when you grow up? Completely sure of my answer, I quickly answered, "a doctor, just like my daddy."
Throughout the course of time, my dad lived day-by-day helping the people around him. As an infectious disease specialist, he diagnosed people that were on the urge of death. Saving as many lives a day as he could was his goal, which is why he inspired me.
My father was a man that had problems as well. Titled "obese" by todays society and with a list of diseases that included heart disease and diabetes my father had to be careful with what he ate and how much he ingested. Gone through many procedures like catheterizations successfully, on the way to the hospital at 4:27 a.m. July 24, 2010, I thought it was just going to be another efficient procedure.
After 33 minutes of constant doses of medication, the doctor walked into the waiting room where my family and I sat. "We tried everything we could, but he didn't make it" said the doctor; within that moment, my life had drastically changed. Tears dripped down everyone's faces as well as mine, but now with nothing left to do, my brother and I had to be strong for the rest of the family. My strongest memory that pulses my mind everyday were the three words he told me the night before, for your heart.
After my fathers death, I dedicated my free time to start learning about what I dreamed to study in my near future: medicine. As my life passion, I continued watching, reading, and listening to the various chalk talks that included information of what my future held. With the multiple years ahead of me, but with the multiple hours of research, I feel that the "Gator nation" has everything and more available to conquer and achieve my passion: cardiology. To help cure and treat the disease that killed my inspiration, my father.
I thought your essay was awesome. You get the readers attention right away with the intro. The only thing I have to say is make sure you go back and proofread; for example, you wrote "on the urge of death" instead of on the verge of death. I would also take out "throughtout the course of time" at the beginning of your second paragraph. It's not needed. Starting the paragraph off with your father living day by day helping people, is just fine and enough.
Great thread here... I see that Jerry already caught the urge/verge mistake. Good call.
And Camy has been doing a lot of great work, too. Thanks, everyone.
...as many lives a day as he could as possible was his goal each day, which is why he inspired me.
apostrophe: by today's
...were the three words he had told me the night before: for your heart.---Not sure what you mean by this.
Excellent essay! I hope you have a lot of success as a cardiologist. I am a big Deepak Chopra fan, and I think he went into medicine because of inspiration from his dad, too. His dad was a cardiologist. Even if you end up practicing other kinds of medicine, all your work will be adding meaning to your father's life. So, you are doing a great thing!
