Prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
Essay:
The person who made the biggest impact in my life, was the person who was missing for most of it.
The only memory I have of him is a short and vague one. Walking up a granite hill, I was looking down at the pail ground. I looked up, as the man snatched me up in the air. There is no face to him in my memory. It was my dad, but for a long time I never made the connection. I often thought of my dad. Who he was, what he was like? I never thought I would get more than that, and the thought of never knowing him was saddening.
I was eleven when my mother received a phone call from my father. I remember her placing her hand over the phone and saying "It's your dad. Do you want to talk to him". To this day I still remember how surreal that moment was. I never thought I would know him and then to be speaking to him. I was dumbfounded. I remember being stuck in indecision. Wanting with all my heart to speak to him and yet hesitant to talk to the man who left me as small child. I cannot remember what we said, but I know it was nothing of importance. The fact that we were talking is what meant something to me.
Soon after talking to him for the first time, my parents planned on us meeting. This was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I remember driving down his street. Looking at the three story brownstones and thinking in one of them was his apartment. A rush of emotion came over me. I was excited, nervous, and happy all at the same time. I was meeting my father for the first time. I was meeting someone I had never known.
I felt differently after meeting him about a lot of my childhood. In not knowing him as a child, I never blamed him for what my family went through. In what I went through. After meeting him I saw things in a different light. I was angry with him for leaving. I hated that he lived a comfortable life of a single man, while my mom struggled to live with her seven kids. I remember thinking "How could he leave us. did he not love us?"
I was now able to express my feelings to the person responsible for them. I told him about the anger, the resentment, and the sadness I felt. I was able to take something that in many ways haunted my life, and made peace with the torrent of emotions it caused me. I no longer feel angry with him for not being a part of my childhood. I wish he was but I am glad to have him in my life now. I have a great relationship with my father, and we are making memories that we will both have for the rest of my life. I graduated high school in front of him, opened christmas presents from him, and was able to hear him say "happy birthday son".
My father made one of the biggest impacts on my life by walking away from it, but he made an even bigger impact by walking back into my life.
Thanks for taking the time to read my essay, and hopefully you will be able to give me some good advice.
When you say "pail ground" pail refers to bucket, im sure you mean "pale"
The fact that we were talking was meaningful to me.
Try not to repeat "things"
For example, "This was one of the hardest things I had ever done."
Instead, say "That was hardest challenge presented thus far in my life."
In paragraph, 5 you repeat the word meeting, try to replace the word.
Place semi-colon. "Not knowing him as a child, I never blamed him for what my family went through; in what I went through."
This is excellent. It is such a natural and (seemingly) honest expression of real feelings. It is nice that you allowed him into your life. I always think it is a shame when adopted people have so much anger that it gets in the way when a relationship becomes possible. Young parents often make mistakes, and it is good to forgive when possible.
If you want to make it even more impressive, cut out some sentences to make room for some discussion of how this will affect your career. What insight do you draw from thinking about finding your dad and finding your perfect career? What work will you do in this world? Whatever it is, it has some kind of relationship to this experience, so discuss that relationship.
:-)
