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"Fatty-Tatty" Common App Essay


krnkevinc 1 / 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
Prompt :Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Feedback would be great! Hopefully, it's interesting!

Once again, I looked down to confront my mortal enemy, the black embossed machine. Slowly, I lifted my right foot and tapped the machine as gently as a karate chop to the face. As the machine prepared itself, my mind slowly counted down from 3. What was my battle plan? Do I suck in my stomach again? Do I tiptoe on the scale? No. Today, I should just face the numbers. Yes, my "mortal enemy" was a $26 Weight Watchers scale that my Mom had bought 5 years ago at Target. Foot by foot, pound by pound, I climbed the zeroed machine and waited. Waited for the moment where the numbers could either break or make me. I looked down. 223. I smiled, for on 11/30/2012, I was no longer considered obese by the BMI scale. It was my victory.

Weight issues have plagued me since I was five; however, being overweight as a child is completely different than being overweight as a teenager. It loses the cuteness that is associated with the chubby, chock-full of baby fat cheeks once you hit middle school. You become different from all the other kids. Nobody wants the fat kid to sit up in front of the classroom. He will block the view! No one picks him first for dodge ball. He will be a bigger target! Everyone, however, knows that you are not one of them, and that is a problem. Do you know what happens once you are not of them? They call you names such as Chunky [my last name], Chubby Cheesecake, or my favorite, Fatty-tatty, complements of the Barrel Family.

As middle school ends and hormones flare, others become more "considerate" of your feelings and lie to you. But deep down, I knew the truth. Just because I was taller than the rest of my classmates did not change the numbers in the scale.

And I was tired.

Tired of being last in the mile run, tired of being afraid of my yearly physical, and above all, tired of not being who I could be. So I decided to change my life positively. I began working out: lifting weights and running laps. I started to eat healthier. I cut almost all carbohydrates in my diet, which was considerably challenging as my diet usually consisted of Frosted Flakes and rice. I learned to cook in order to prepare nutritious meals.

There were times when I wanted to quit, times where I just wanted to pig out and live my old lifestyle, but I persevered. My motivation to become someone close to who I wanted to be pushed me forward. Before I knew it, others began to notice that I have begun to change even before I could. The large krnkevinc had shrunk...

But his confidence had grown.
katev 18 / 120 24  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
It loses the

You lose the

Everyone, however, knows that you are not one of them

This doesn't really logically follow the train of thought that you were giving before. In other words, the "however" doesn't really give what the reader expects after your previous statements.

quit, times

not the right punctuation I think

The large krnkevinc had shrunk...

But his confidence had grown.

Maybe say "The large Kevin Chung had shrunk, and (or 'but,' if you really want to) his confidence had grown.
OP krnkevinc 1 / 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
alright thanks! I had a mini heart-attack when you somehow knew my last name... =__= forgot I had it on this website anyway lol

Edited Version

Once again, I looked down to confront my mortal enemy, the black embossed machine. Slowly, I lifted my right foot and tapped the machine as gently as a karate chop to the face. As the machine prepared itself, my mind slowly counted down from 3. What was my battle plan? Do I suck in my stomach again? Do I tiptoe on the scale? No. Today, I should just face the numbers. Yes, my "mortal enemy" was a $26 Weight Watchers scale that my Mom had bought 5 years ago at Target. Foot by foot, pound by pound, I climbed the zeroed machine and waited. Waited for the moment where the numbers could either break or make me. I looked down. 223. I smiled, for on 11/30/2012, I was no longer considered obese by the BMI scale. It was my victory.

Weight issues have plagued me since I was five; however, being overweight as a child is completely different than being overweight as a teenager. You lose the cuteness that is associated with the chubby, chock-full of baby fat cheeks once you hit middle school. You become different from all the other kids. Nobody wants the fat kid to sit up in front of the classroom. He will block the view! No one picks him first for dodge ball. He will be a bigger target! Everyone knows that you are not one of them, and that is a problem. Do you know what happens once you are not of them? They call you names such as Chunky Chung, Chubby Cheesecake, or my favorite, Fatty-tatty, complements of the Barrel Family.

As middle school ends and hormones flare, others become more "considerate" of your feelings and lie to you. But deep down, I knew the truth. Just because I was taller than the rest of my classmates did not change the numbers in the scale.

And I was tired.

Tired of being last in the mile run, tired of being afraid of my yearly physical, and above all, tired of not being who I could be. So I decided to change my life positively. I began working out: lifting weights and running laps. I started to eat healthier. I cut almost all carbohydrates in my diet, which was considerably challenging as my diet usually consisted of Frosted Flakes and rice. I learned to cook in order to prepare nutritious meals.

There were times when I wanted to quit; times where I just wanted to pig out and live my old lifestyle, but I persevered. My motivation to become someone close to who I wanted to be pushed me forward. Before I knew it, others began to notice that I have begun to change even before I could. The large Kevin Chung had shrunk and his confidence had grown.


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