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'My favorite animal is the wolf' - UC Describe the world you come from

earynnm 3 / 9  
Nov 29, 2011   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My favorite animal is the wolf. The complexity of the inner workings of the wolf pack intrigues me. I first became interested in wolves when I watched A Baby Story on Animal Planet. The episode depicted surrogate human mothers caring for wolf pups.One day I will become a veterinarian and study wolves as the surrogate mothers did on A Baby Story.

The inner workings of my family is complex. With five children and two parents, we have a full house. My parents are determined to see their children succeed in life. They raise their children to be hard-working and disciplined. My parents are also very protective. The first time I went driving by myself, my mom secretly followed me. It was a good thing she did, because I soon was off course. I pulled over to search for directions. My mom pulled up next to me and told to follow her. My parents have always been there when I needed someone to look to for the correct course of action in any situation.

As the oldest, my parents ask me to babysit. As the babysitter my main duties are to get everyone to play well together and keep the house intact. Even though none of us knew it at the time, while I was babysitting, my siblings were teaching me how to work with others. They taught me that I don't have to force my views on anyone. From my siblings I've learned that a little compassion and empathy makes communicating ideas with different people easier.

When I become a veterinarian, I will not only work with animals but also the people that own them. I will be able to express to the owners what may or may not be wrong with his/her animal(s) effectively. At the end of the day it will be satisfying to see the look of understanding on someone's face. I will be able to leave work happy because I helped both animals and people.

misserinlee9 2 / 16  
Nov 29, 2011   #2
You know what would be really cool here- integrating the ideas of a wolf pack into the protectiveness of your family- really relating those ideas of your desire to be a veterinarian to your family life. Expand less upon specific occurences and lessons and more upon roles your family plays and how they are somewhat like a wolf pack. This will give your essay more of a flow instead of an unorganized essay going from wolves to family and to wolves again. Also go through and vary your sentence structure- they are all exactly alike in syntax and it will help immensely with your voice if you go through and edit. You want the reader to hear YOU through your writing and you can show that through your word choice and varying your sentence structure. Hope this helped!

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