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"Your favorite books, music, artists, newspapers, films" UChicago short response


edgardz21 5 / 11  
Dec 11, 2009   #1
Hello, May someone give me advice on how to make this strong?
Feel free to correct and edit.
As I wait for a response I'll go contribute to the EF community

I couldn't edit the title of the the previous thread ( put wrong title) so I made a new one, IIf any one knows how to edit previous thread titles, please let me know.

Optional: Question 2. Would you please tell us about a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, magazines, or newspapers? Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.

I first picked up The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama during the 2008 presidential election. No other books have I been able to relate to better than this book. From values to our constitution Obama is able to give his perspective of the issues. He compares past politicians with current politicians and describes historical events in a very biased way. My love for politics and history keep me constantly reading it. As someone who dreams of being a politician, this book gives me an understanding of the hardship associated with a political career. When reading about Obamas rise to politics, he describes his own personal journey. A journey I hope to one day take. As I read this book, I often picture myself in Obamas place.

While the audacity of hope has given me a glimpse of what a political career is like, What You Don't Know About Politics But Should gives me a stronger understanding of the issues through a non partisan perspective. It has allowed me to understand the issues in depth, so every time I hear about an issue, I can give strong arguments and defend those arguments.

Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Dec 11, 2009   #2
Hi Edgar, I suggest you rewrite this because all you do is bring up point after point and never develope any of them. I would like to see you focusing on one book rather than summarizing two. You need to come up with a better structure than "In the book it's like this...and that relates to me because..."

Maybe you can elaborate on a single intellectual idea that intrigued you in the book.
IntlIndian /  
Dec 12, 2009   #3
I agree with llamapoop..
Focus more on the book.. ONE book and why it had such a profound impact on you, NOT what it talks about..
longyue 1 / 17  
Dec 12, 2009   #4
I think you need not to focus on only one book. It is okay for you to talk about two. However, you could only develop one standpoint from the two books. Never stop by mentioning. AO may not be impressed by your essay in this way. You could try to relate the same point in two books to your interest or experience.

Just my opinions.

Take whatever you want.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Dec 12, 2009   #5
The struggles------> give me an...

My interest in politics that was greatly propelled during the 2008 election made me...(this sentence seems unnecessarily complex.

Yeah, I suggest a rewrite, too. It will be better if you choose a concept and really focus on it. Choose a theme. This is too general: This book has enriched me with knowledge of issues. ---> instead of that, talk about the issues.

I like it it that you are focusing on pol. sci. but you should show that you are already opinionated about the issues.
OP edgardz21 5 / 11  
Dec 13, 2009   #6
[TWO Short Responses]~University Of Chicago

These are my two paragraph responses for University of Chicago
Thank for any help

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

I seek to attend an academic community that facilitates the exchange of knowledge in an intellectually stimulating environment, one which Chicago definitely provides. By sharing my thoughts, rather than being secluded, Chicago's focus on Socratic teaching will propel me to my academic potential through close interaction with professors and peers. I am deeply interested in being a part of the political science department at University of Chicago in order to understand politics domestically and among nations. I am tempted to be challenged by University of Chicago's ideas. Attending the workshops held in the department of political science will make me part of the active community. It will allow me to debate current issues and understand perspectives contrary to my own.

As a person with a desire to help people, Chicago's strong emphasis on leadership and community involvement fulfills my personal believes that leadership and community service are key features to helping any community. I hope to take full advantage of the opportunities offered by The University Community Service Center in order to boost relations between the University and the community. I will use my leadership abilities that I will acquire at the University of Chicago to give back to society in the future within my capacity. I hope that my years in Chicago would allow me to develop greater maturity and apply my knowledge of political science to benefit my community and country. I hope to be a part of the collaborative academic community because with a cooperative environment, I am positive that students and staff will contribute to my personal growth. With my desire of learning and sharing, I will contribute to the University of Chicago's growth as an institution because I am obligated to contribute to the growth of any institution I am part of.

Optional: Question 2.

READ ABOVE
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 13, 2009   #7
I really like your first answer. It's very specific to UChicago and covers who you are

because I am obligated to contribute to the growth of any institution I am part of

I'm not really sure why you feel obligated to contribute. So I'd take this out, unless you feel like explaining this in your essay

a few

my college adviser said that a few is at least 3, so feel free to disagree with me, but I think you need 1 more.

audacity of hope

capitalize

you could add another thing you like after your "ydk about politics.." book, it's a bit too short anyway.
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 14, 2009   #8
know

known

University of Chicago's growth as a well know intellectually stimulating environment. "

this is very wordy. Basically, you want to say University of Chicago's intellectual expansion? or does the "environment" part has a different connotation?


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