Let me know what you guys think. I honestly let my mind flow when I wrote this and I think its just a ad bit too goofy.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
My name is Ernesto Montes, but you can call me Ernie (You know like that dude from Sesame Street). Anyways let me start off by letting you know a little but about myself. My favorite color is blue, I like dogs, and I enjoy long walks on the beach. I am 18 and my family comes from Peru, the land of the Incas. I LOVE soccer and if you do to, that's great! If not, it's all good because I enjoy sports in general. I'm also a football fan so we can go watch all of Stanford's games together! On a side note, I am a huge Atlanta Falcons fan and I almost never miss a game. Things can get a little ugly during the games, so I suggest moving all your valuables at least 20 feet away from me so that your stuff is safe. You think I'm joking. I'm really funny and if you're not funny its ok, I'll still laugh at your jokes (Because I'm just that nice of a guy)
So after reading this far you're probably ready to start crying because you think you just got paired up with the silliest and goofiest kid possible. No worries buddy, I'm serious when you want me to be. Even though I love to have fun, I know when its time to shift into school mode. I work very hard in school and I always try to make sure I know all the material. I am also very respectful, so if I'm studying and you want to go to sleep, I will gladly go to a library to finish my studying. Volunteering is also another of my hobbies so I'll be sure to take you with me one day to do some community work!
I'll tell you some stuff now that you should probably know. I have a very dirty pleasure in...sweet tea! I am ADDICTED to sweet tea and if you open our refrigerator you will always find at least a gallon of sweet tea in there. It's a southern thing. Aside from sweet tea, I'm in love with music. I listen to anything really, but most of the music you will find on my iPod is alternative rock with a mix of dubstep. I hope you've learned a lot about me and I congratulate you if you're reading this because not only have you made it in, you're my roomie! Get excited.
Anyway, let me start off by letting you know a little but about myself.
I'm also a football fan, so we can go watch all of Stanford's games together!
So after reading this far, you're probably ready to start crying because you think you just got paired up with the silliest and goofiest kid possible.---This is so funny!
Volunteering is also another of my hobbies, so I'll be sure to take you with me one day to do some community work!
This is great! It shows your intelligence, what a nice person you are, and your sense of humor. I recently moved to Florida from Massachusetts, and am with you in the sweet tea habit...also, chicken biscuits. :( Good luck in school and have fun--GO FALCONS!!
Stanford Supplemental Essays. Feedback is GREATLY appreciated :)
#1 Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
My whole life I had been influenced by the popular notion that Lawyers were all greedy and cold creatures. When I finally put down, "To Kill a Mockingbird", I felt like my whole perception on the world of Lawyers changed. During my reading of the book, I fell into deep admiration of Atticus Finch, the hero of the novel and the villain of the town. Atticus's willingness to accept a case that nobody else would inspired me. The fact that this case happened in the Deep South and in a time where racial tensions were high made Atticus's acceptance of the case extremely risky. However, he didn't back down from the case because he knew that justice had to be done. Even though Atticus didn't win the case, he fought as hard as he could and even exposed the testimony of Mayella and Bob Ewell as false. Ultimately, the trial was decided on racial terms rather than just ones. Although the multiple story lines in the novel (Such as Boo Radley) were captivating, I was influenced most by the trial and the case of Tom Robinson. The determination of Atticus Finch to put up the best case possible with all the adversity he was facing was remarkable to me. Through Atticus Finch, I learned that not all Lawyers go into their professions strictly for the money; some lawyers truly take joy in making a living defending people who do not have the resources to hire a private attorney. A new path showed itself to me, a path that brings not only happiness to me, but justice to others. MY reading of "To Kill a Mocking Bird" made me realize that I wanted to go to Law School and become a public defense Lawyer. Atticus Finch showed me that being a lawyer is more about helping others than helping yourself. I want to become a PD Lawyer because I will be able to defend people that are thrown under the bus by society just because they do not have the resources to provide for a proper defense. Bringing a smile on the face of an individual will bring me more satisfaction than a seven figure income.
Very good essays! I'm pretty sure you'll get into Stanford. I don't see anything wrong with the first one. In the second one, you say "by letting you know a little but ..." It should be bit, just a typo. This essay really makes me want to be your roommate (even though I'm a girl)! That should be a good sign. In the third essay, remember that "soccer" is not a proper noun and therefore does not need to be capitalized. I noticed you capitalized it sometimes and didn't other times. Also, in "the main reason's my group of friends," it should be reasons, with no apostrophe. And with "nations were soccer is the top sport," were should be where. Your passion really comes through, though. I love soccer, too!
I hope this was helpful!
Those are indeed great essays.
You think I'm joking. I'm really funny and if you're not funny its ok, I'll still laugh at your jokes (Because I'm just that nice of a guy)
I'd say that such a straightforward stating of something like this in a letter is pretty awkward. At least, I would feel as if you've already started judging me before even meeting me in person.
What should I do to make my first essay better?
Although the multiple story lines in the novel (Such as Boo Radley) were captivating, I was influenced most by the trial and the case of Tom Robinson.
Excessive book details that serve no real purpose. Remove this to make it less report-ish.
You could elaborate some more on how this change in your perception affected your intellectual development.
In your roommate essay, the first part of the first paragraph seems to be a bit trivial. If you want to emphasize on ur love for sports, then you can add in more details or connect to some of your sports extracurricular.
It may be logical, though, since one would probably want to tell a lot without knowing where to start. It also fits in style with the rest of the letter, in my opinion.