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'my favorite colors are red and blue' - Univ. of Penn. Supplement


StephW1994 2 / 1  
Oct 30, 2011   #1
Hello, I am aiming for UPenn's early decision deadline on November 1st. Comments, feedback, and any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! :D

Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)

It is not a mere coincidence that my favorite colors are red and blue - the colors that live and scream Penn's pride and spirit everyday. It would seem that we would be a perfect match - Penn and I; we would wear the same colors, representing a part of our lives, and flaunt ourselves to the world.

We have a number of things in common, actually, so I am hoping that my presence at Penn will only allow it to continue growing as it has been since its establishment. I shall do so by contributing to Penn's diverse student body in multiple ways. Academically, I will progress in my studies and prove my determination to live up to Penn's reputation and standards. Participation in class and out of class will come from pure dedication and work ethic which are inevitably favorable in a student. Athletically, I will dedicate my body and mind to Penn's badminton team, hoping to lead them on to future victories. I might even introduce myself to a new sport, to try something new like figure skating, but I will definitely dedicate my energy into encouraging other teams as well, as I "bleed red and blue!" As for our common passion for diversity, I will be contributing to Penn's internationally recognized community, especially through advocating the AIS and PAACH organizations.

After devoting the entirety of myself and my capabilities into Penn, I know that Penn will have done the same for me. In intending to obtain a BAS degree in Cognitive Science, I hope to explore and develop my technological, psychological, and biological understanding. I am assured that Penn's School of Engineering and Applied Science will lead me towards a path most appropriate for me with its complete implementation of professional, hands-on practices, various fields of study, and acclaimed professors. I will be able to take advantage of Penn's educational opportunities and resources in and out of school. In this way, we are learning more about myself and my future, together.

Attending a college and devouring a full college experience has been a dream since I first discovered the idea of college. Making friends, working with professionals, throwing toast at football games, they are all more than available at Penn - they are Penn. Being a Penn student will allow me to go through these experiences and transform them into life experiences. Penn will be engraving its life into mine, and I will have had the highest experience, insight, and education that will successfully send me off on my own.

After numerous discussions with former Penn students about what they have learned from college, I would want nothing more than to be able to be as proud and glorified as they are. They have not only learned at Penn, but they taught at Penn. Picturing myself in their positions, bringing forth the best of my abilities, making myself a part of this community, wearing red and blue, it all just seems so right.
iabas 2 / 2  
Oct 31, 2011   #2
You're a pretty good writer, but you should try to elaborate more on how you will contribute to Penn. I suggest showing your passion by talking about only one or two things, but in depth. For instance, you mentioned AIS and PAACH. Maybe you could talk about how specifically you will contribute. The first paragraph also sounds a bit repetitive due to the constant use of "I will," so I suggest varying the syntax.

Also, for what you will learn from the Penn community, you could probably be more specific. It almost seems like I could replace "Penn" with any other college name. Try doing some research to see what makes Penn so unique.

Comment on my essay if you can, too!


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