I was working on my essay and wanted someone to critique/edit it for me. Let me know what it lacks and what you like
What is your favorite word and why?
Success is ordinary, it can be achieved without any true conflict or effort, implying the absence of failure. Triumph on the other hand is a much more complex concept, a victory over adversity following many failures, measured only by oneself. Moments of triumph vary in difficulty and magnitude; finally grabbing a toy on the claw machine after spending unfathomable amounts of quarters, reaching the final castle in Super Mario Bros., graduating college, starting a family, deciding to stop procrastinating on this essay.
The sheer mention of the word triumph results in jubilation, a celebration of victory in the face of adversity. It incites a feeling of pride in oneself for succeeding after so many failures. Triumph is the result of perseverance and determination, to continue to strive for success failure after failure deserves satisfaction and joy. One can never become desensitized to the joy and reward of overcoming a challenge.
Although I am too young to have experienced any truly significant moments of triumph, those which I have were the most memorable moments of my life. The main one being the success of my screen printing business after several unsuccessful months of advertising. The joy that came with receiving my first paycheck was a truly triumphant moment as a young entrepreneur. The harder a conflict is, the more gratifying and memorable the triumph. Because of its uniqueness, broad range, and personal significance, triumph is my favorite word.
I like your ideas about the triumph.
From the content, I think why not change the order of the last two paragraphs to make the composition more coherent. It's a little strange to have an example of triumph after a discussion about the adversity of the triumph.
Besides I think you are too moderate.You may take out " Although I am too young to have experienced any truly significant moments of triumph" . How many people especially teenagers can experience truly significant triumph? Maybe the admission officer wants to know what you learn from the triumph and how the triumph affects you in your daily life.
I hope my words can help you.
