IN AN ESSAY OF 300 WORDS OR LESS, EXPLAIN YOUR MOTIVATION TO TRANSFER FROM YOUR CURRENT/PREVIOUS INSTITUTION TO ILLINOIS AND HOW YOUR ACADEMIC INTERESTS/ PROFESSIONAL GOALS WILL BE FULFILLED IN YOUR INTENDED PROGRAM OF STUDY.
( I would greatly appreciate some proofreading help, suggestions, editing etc.) Thank You. - M. Edunjobi
" Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life", I was certain that I had heard this somewhere and despite my best efforts, I could not get it out of my head. I knew exactly why I felt this way, but did not have the courage to admit it to myself. In retrospect, I almost feel silly that I allowed the fear of the unknown to bar me from my dreams, but it was a necessary path on the road to success.
When I began applying to Universities, I put blinders on, I dared not look anywhere outside of Texas.The notion of adulthood scared me, I was seventeen and barely felt like it, So when I received admission from The University of Texas, I was sold. It had a decent Economics program and was only four hours away from home. Soon after I began my first semester at Dallas, the sinking feeling began to settle in, I realized that I had sold myself short by neglecting to broaden my horizons. Following some self reflection, I understood that I had settled for a pretty good school that I would not have attended had I chosen to see past my fear. With my newly discovered insight, I told myself that this would not be the end. This would be my second chance, a chance to choose a school that could provide me with the kind of education that I truly wanted for myself. A chance to choose greatness over fear, so when it approached me, I grabbed it. I am certain that the comprehensive and multifaceted nature of Illinois will be an advantageous experience that will provide me with the best foundation in order to help others take advantage of financial opportunities as a Certified financial planner.
Hi, I like your creativity in your introduction, but for an essay this short, I think you have to get to the point a lot faster. In this whole essay, the only part that actually answers the prompt specifically is your very last sentence. It is unclear why you are not satisfied or happy at UT, just that it is a "pretty good school" - that does not really give any details at all. Of course, I would not focus the whole essay on why you are disappointed at UT, but a little bit of specifics would be good. The bulk of your 300 words should focus on why UIUC is your ideal school. You have said it is "comprehensive and multifaceted", but what does that really mean? Why specifically will this university help you become an outstanding certified financial planner? I would expect to read about programs and courses in the business school that interest you, professors who impress you, and so on. In short, you need more details and specifics.
