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Fear is a path to the darkside

r991183878 6 / 19  
Jan 3, 2009   #1
Holy crap I finished my essay in one day! I am so happy I was afraid I wasn't going to be done in time. I scraped my old topic and started a new one, I think it's a little less confusing, however, the structure is a little weird and it is WAYYYYY to long. Please help me edit it down or modify parts that sound weird or are boring/don't make sense.

Tell us the story of a street, path, road-real or imagined or metaphorical.

"Fear is a path to the darkside" - Yoda

Hidden in the shadows of one's mind exists a path of self-destruction. Walking the road of indestructible distress, fear infects one's destiny and mental state. The path of fear is said to be lethal. Since prehistoric times, it has led to the downfall of the powerful, prevailing their confidence and strength, deeming them weak, unavailing, and unworthy. Although, a truly charismatic, but also corrupt leader, Hitler had so much fear of being captured that he had himself killed. One of the most disparaging emotions felt throughout human nature, the path of fear is a long and continuous one; it comes and goes, but always travels the same path. Fear will come back, and it's doors will open, and lead you into the darkness.

Ever since childhood, I have continuously walked the path of fear when it comes to a particular subject. Frightened to death, but still alive, I incessantly followed the path to the darkside, too afraid to go into the limelight and face my dreaded terror. Time after time, I simpley allowed the prickly vines that surrounded the path of fear to choke me, inject me with its poison, and hold me down from accomplishing great things. It was my fault though. It was my fear of taking risks.

In my years before high school, I was always labeled the "timid" one, bottling in my thoughts and emotions, and letting my insecurities and fear of rejection take over my actions. In middle school, I simply gave up doing many things due to my fear of taking risks. I avoided meeting new people, doing new things, and eventually developed low-confidence and had fewer friends each year, as I became less extroverted and more reserved; My young, feeble mind, was tricked into following the safest route, the path of fear, avoiding any unnecessary contact with unknown people, places, and things.

In my first year of high school, I easily fell continued with my old ways. But one small event helped me find a way out of the fear of path, overcoming my fear of taking risks. I peered out the cracked window, up at the vivid moon crescent in the shady morning sky as I sat in my freshman Language Arts class. My teacher, Mrs. Bailer, was trying to modify the deformed circle that my class was standing in, so we could play an improv warm-up game. The instructions were simple. Each student would say an adjective that started with the first letter of their name, along with their first name and an expressive movement. They started at the opposite end of the circle. "Joyful Janet!" one girl screamed as she flung her body into the air along with a crazy motion. My forehead starting to steam up as my face turned red, and my finger tips rapidly quivered by my side.

I felt myself walking into an all-to-familiar path, this time with my enemy known as risk-taking. My mind was becoming fogged as I tried to think of an adjective that started with the letter 'R'. The negative thoughts ran through my mind, and I didn't want to do this. I couldn't. I would look stupid and say something dumb, and everyone would laugh at me for my stupidity. I immediately clung my trembling hands into my pockets to stop myself from shaking. My faceoff with risk-taking began, as I eerily looked it dead in the eye. Everyone stood silently, waiting for me to go. I continued to look down at the floor, not saying a word, hoping they would skip me. The vines started to appear again, tangling around my ankles, taking me down as my enemy prevented me from completing the required action. "Don't make him do it!" one of my classmates tried to defend me, as I stood there defeated, willing to be unhappy rather than pursue a simple task that may have revealed me as a fool.

At that moment in time, I had found myself alone, lying at a dead end in a bloodbath of my own disappointment. I was lost and didn't know where to go or what to do. I had ventured too far off into the darkside. Being too afraid to interact with people I didn't know, I shied away from socializing with others, and steered clear of joining any clubs at school. I isolated myself into a box, afraid of jumping out, afraid of being rejected and alone. I knew that this madness had to come to an end. I had managed to turn a simple improv-exercise into a crisis that shook my senses and took over my mind, hindering my capabilities. When was I going to let it all out, let go of my insecurities, take the risks that I had always feared?

I wanted to break out of the shell that I have lived within for so long. I was going nowhere in life by not taking risks. I couldn't learn from my mistakes, because I avoided doing things where I could mess up and look incompetent. My sophomore year of high school, I decided to change all of this. I took a huge risk and decided to join a variety clubs: the Academy of Finance, IB Club, and Woodland Park Zoo. Soon, I became more comfortable being around others, seeing that it was okay to make mistakes. In the present, I am not the same kid that couldn't raise his hand because he was too afraid to take that risk of being wrong. I am now my school's representative for the Academy of Finance and I'm not afraid to make mistakes anymore. For most of my life I had taken the path of fear, because I didn't want to take any risks. Now, I take the road less traveled.
Zuhayr90 2 / 13  
Jan 3, 2009   #2
Where are you applying??
Good essay! i just skimmed through it.
Good luck
OP r991183878 6 / 19  
Jan 3, 2009   #3
Thanks, for reading, it's for U of C! I'm worried about the rambling though.. I really need to edit it down quickly or modify something!
OP r991183878 6 / 19  
Jan 3, 2009   #4
anyone? :( Please it is due in like 45 minutes I seriously need some imput!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 4, 2009   #5
Hidden in the shadows of one's mind exists a path to self-destruction.
Great Yoda reference!!
I wish I had gotten to this before you sent it, but actually it is great this way! In your concluding paragraph you capture the main theme of the essay very well. It would be good to tell the reader, in the intro paragraph, that you will be writing about how you started choosing the road less traveled rather than being conservative due to fear.

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