Can you read my essay, and give me back feedback, and be totally honest! Thank you :)
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Throughout my life, playing the piano in public has been a major fear. My fear is that people can see right through me, of what I'm feeling and how scared I am. I love playing the piano, but only when I'm alone, that is when I express my feelings. When I play in front of an audience, I can't express my feelings, I struggle to play like a normal person.
I remember very well the first time I ever played piano in front of what seemed like a large audience. In reality, it was a fairly small audience, but I was nervous regardless, as I was just eight years old. My time on stage didn't last very long, but it seemed like an eternity. I wasn't sure if I would even complete my performance. My palms were very sweaty and my face was flushed red, while at the same time my heart was racing.
As I grew older, I played in many more performances having the same fear, especially on the day of my piano graduation. I had to play ten pieces memorized and thirty scales in front a single judge. I had practiced for ten years, and now was the time for me to show off all my hard work. I was in a room for an hour praying in my mind that time would pass by quicker. A couple of months later, I received my Diploma of American College of Musicians as a Pianist. Although I graduated, I still play piano on and off, whenever I have the time and energy, also when I'm stressed out or in a sad mood.
Last year my grandmother was in a very bad condition. The day before she passed away, I decided to play piano for her so she can listen and it can brighten her heart and give her happiness. On the day of her memorial, I suggested to play the piece I had played the night before she had passed away. I built enough courage to play in front of a large audience. From that moment on I played with confidence and expressed my feelings without having sweaty palms and a racing heart.
Finally, after all these years, I realized that my problem was that I felt self-conscious the entire time. I was too concerned about what I looked like in front of the audience, what my music sounded like, and what the audience was thinking. As a final point I gained confidence and let my feelings express while I played. From this experience I have overcome the feeling of being self-conscious in front of people and have been able to confidently express my true feelings without thinking how people would judge me.
Hey Luisa, here are a couple of my corrections and suggestions for you =]
I don't really get the indication that it is your self consciousness that is your problem in the first paragraph, so I think you should make that more clear. Also, you do a lot of telling, but your story is lacking in its descriptiveness and visuals that could really have the potential to capture the moment as well as reveal the person that your are.
Good luck with your applications, luckily the stress is almost over!
