Being a fearless orator is what I am proud of. Self presentation essay

UBC personal profile question

Question :- Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

My Response :-
I am a wild fire of determination satiated by the fuel of knowledge. My ardent desire to accomplish various feats no matter how adverse the situations are has earned me the title of being "Ambitious". It fits me & helps me harness my full potential. Being the school topper I could be contented, but I knew I could achieve much more. It has been a major driving force in many competitions that I have won may it be the Inter-School Rotary Quiz or the Inter-School Debate competition. It was never the ambition to win but that to learn which has made me who I am today. I pursued advanced level courses in physics, chemistry & math to prepare for the JEE Advanced exam because it helped me master the concepts to a level much beyond our school curriculum.

Being a fearless orator is what I am proud of. It didn't come all of a sudden, I messed up many times & learned it the hard way. The initial mockery & embarrassment was the price of my ambition. I realised that the fears we don't face become our limits. I decided to shatter those limits. I attended the Toastmasters club & learned the art of public speaking by participating in various competitions. My efforts paid off as today I am the recipient of 8 English & 4 hindi speaking prizes. To be honest, it is the struggle that I endured and not the awards that I am proud of today.

Please rate it out of 5 points

wild fire -----is it necessary?

... earned me the title of being "Ambitious".---Just show. Don't tell. We get to know you are Ambitious reading the essay

Remove unnecessary things and the essay should be fine. The content is good just try to make it a little lively. Remove some unnecessary words and it shall be fine.

Now I give you 3 but write again. You shall get lot better.