The College of Nursing is committed to ensuring a positive, nurturing, and safe environment by respecting and affirming the diversity of individual's identities, backgrounds and points of view. How do you see yourself contributing to and supporting this commitment in the nursing profession? (PROMPT 350 word limit)
Encouraging a working environment that supports differences allows for a greater chance of being able to embrace changes in all aspects of life. Possessing a fair and open mind toward others gives an advantage in many situations. Appreciating the diversity of individuals begins with yourself. Being aware of your own cultural beliefs and practices and recognizing that people from other cultures may not share them is an important concept for all people, especially health care professionals. As a nurse I will encounter individuals with unique identities, backgrounds, and points of view within professional and personal relationships. It will be important for me to practice from a holistic point of view; remaining compassionate and respectful of the differences that make people who they are. Adapting to their differences will ensure a sense of safety and promote mutual respect between health care professionals and patients. It is healthy and beneficial to learn from one another. By working as an aide in a nursing home I have gained lots of experience pertaining to diversity and I continue to learn new things during each shift. Asking others about their practices, etiquette, and knowledge is key to establishing effective assistance for patients and a successful working environment. Creating a judgment free setting encourages interactions for gaining new knowledge. Others' points of view bring new experiences and different perspectives that add value to your insights. Respecting all others and remaining sensitive and flexible when responding to them is necessary for establishing a positive and nurturing environment. Embracing the differences found in individuals' unique identities leads to harmony within all relationships.
First, I would like to recommend you to visit the website or programs of this nursing college/ major. I want you to gauge all different opportunities this school provides apart from this nursing program. Then, it would be wise to instill those activities while writing this essay. For ex. a club could teach you to be respectful in individual identities or a community service would lead to nurture the lives of those in need.
Second, I can easily make corrections in your essay and believe me the ending is just a mess. Your essay suffered fluidity a lot because you didn't mixed complex and simple sentence together which in the end leads to bullet points rather a mercurial writing.
Third, your essay starts with Encouraging a working (...) health care professionals stand alone as four or five different sentences rather than an essay. Don't play with patience of your readers who constantly read your essay and find nothing. To improve the first sentences try to say all those things a bit concisely and tie it up with something like "your school/ program provides exactly this kind of environment in which I would explode( in a good way)."
Are you currently in this college and trying to transfer to a nursing major or you applying as a freshman? Also, mention the school name for which this essay is being written. I can assert you that you're a wonderful writer and with just a bit of direction your essay would be a bombshell! Plus, we can easily work in the conclusion to coat it the way admissions like it.
Thank you so much for your feedback. I am currently not at the school I am applying to so I will be transferring to their nursing program as a junior. I agree that the ending is a mess. I had many ideas I wanted to include but was not sure how to arrange or express them. I would greatly appreciate more advice on how to improve fluidity and conciseness!
I think your esay is really interesting but really general. You should make your article more specific especially at part As a nurse I will encounter individuals with ....
The more important part is your article really big. It will better to make it become 2 or 3 paragraph which each paragraph explain one topic from this question. The College of Nursing is committed to ...
Chloe, I apologize for what I am about to say because I am going to run in contradiction with the others who have already advised you. I feel that you have taken the wrong approach to the discussion. Since you are being asked about how you plan to embrace the diversity of your patients a nurse, it is imperative that you show the reviewer that you are already doing that in your current profession as a nursing aide at the home. Therefore, it will become clear to him that you already embody the traits that the university requires you impart to your patients in the future. So that will make you appear to be a stronger and more worthy candidate for admission to their university. You will be seen as a true asset to the nursing program because you can help influence the other student nurses to become like you in terms of learning how to embrace the cultural vitality of the patients that they will come across but whom you have already dealt with.
I appreciate your feedback and see your point, I will revise and focus more on my experience. Thank you!
I have taken your advice into account and have revised my essay. I hope that my changes have improved the quality by focusing on my professional experience:
Appreciating the diversity of others begins with yourself. Being aware of your own beliefs and practices and recognizing that people from other backgrounds may not share them is an important concept for all people, especially health care professionals. As a nurse I will encounter individuals with unique identities, backgrounds, and points of view within professional and personal relationships. It will be important for me to practice from a holistic point of view; remaining compassionate and respectful of the differences that make people who they are. Through my experience as a nursing assistant I have gained and continue to obtain an abundance of knowledge on how to promote a high level of wellness within diverse individuals and groups.
By having experience interacting with a health care team and patients, I have already begun to contribute to and support The College of Nursing's commitment and will continue to do so for the years to come. I have learned that adapting to others' differences will ensure a sense of safety and promote mutual respect between myself and my co-workers and patients. It is healthy and beneficial to learn from one another. I am sure to ask others about their practices, etiquette, and knowledge as a key to establishing effective assistance for patients and a successful working environment within my health care team. Creating a judgment free setting encourages interactions for gaining new knowledge. Others' points of view bring new experiences and different perspectives that add value to personal insights. I am always certain to respect my peers at all times and remain sensitive and flexible when responding to them. I believe that this is necessary for establishing a positive and nurturing environment for my patients and health care team. I feel that with my personal and professional experience I could be a great asset to The Ohio State University Nursing team and hope to act as a role model to my fellow classmates. (320 words of 350 limit)
Excellent work Chloe, I strongly suggest that you use this version of the essay for your application. It is a statement that was made strongest by the fact that you indicate your current, actual work experience in relation to the prompt provided. It cannot get better than that. In addition, it cannot get more impressive than that for the reviewer. Not all applicants to the program will already have the work experience that has allowed them to develop to the point where you embody the core values of the university. Therefore, this essay has to ability to stand out from the stack of applicants and also, make your statement memorable to the reviewer. That in turn, will help you gain a better chance at admission. After all, your other supporting documents will be able to support your overall application. Do let us know the results of your application when you can.