I need help with grammar, structure, and context.
Any and all suggestions would be appreciated
Thank you
---Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.---
The issue of terrorism hits close to home. It largely affects me, my family and our community as a whole.
I was in the 4th grade when the twin towers fell. I didn't know it then but my life changed that day. That single act of terrorism not only affected me, but my family, the whole of the Muslim community, as well as the world at large.
That tragic event, the many other acts of violence that followed, as well as the war in Iraq affects me in a different way than most because I am a Muslim. It gave Muslims a bad name throughout the United States and the world. For me, this meant being looked at differently, being made fun of and even being feared or hated.
The first time I heard the bombing was implemented by Muslim extremists, I could not believe it. How could any Muslim be capable of such an atrocious act of terrorism? How could anyone call themselves a Muslim, one who submits, after destroying the lives of innocent men and women and their families? I had to accept it was true. I felt sick; ashamed to make my religion known to anyone. I was young, 12 years old, but I knew many children and even other Muslims had been killed. It was indiscriminate killing. I knew that could never be justified. It rattled my faith for the the first time.
Nevertheless, I was mercilessly put down and made fun of by my peers, who, driven by fear, shunned me for being different. Eventually the desire to know the truth and to defend myself led me to research. I confirmed Islam does not preach terrorism. I also discovered there are groups within every religion that are terrorists.
9/11 put the spot light on Muslims. People questioned me about Islam and what it was all about. The result was me questioning my own religion. This led me to learn about Islam in depth and discover satisfactory answers to my own and other people's query.
In a twist of fate, the effects of terrorism led me to learn more about my religion, developing a stronger faith, and resulted in personal growth. Terrorism made me face discrimination and hate but ironically has strengthened me and my faith. Consequently, I work to correct misconceptions about Islam every opportunity I have.
Instead of using contractions (i.e. "didn't"), write the two words separately.
For me, this meant being looked at differently, being made fun of, and even being feared or hated.
fourth instead of 4rth
twelve instead of 12
I had to accept that it was true.
I think this is a great sentence: Nevertheless, I was mercilessly put down and made fun of by my peers, who, driven by fear, shunned me for being different.
I think it will be good if you can connect this discussion with your plans involving the school to which you are applying. Good job!!
Kevin
