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'If you feel it so you can do it' - background/story essay


Johana 1 / 1  
Oct 7, 2017   #1
This is my first draft , It is a true story and it is moving my emotions . Please give me feedback

challenging my skills



At first it is my story that I had a dream to join a big program which is for since programs which is kinda hard to get in it because it is required placement test on math and english which is hard in math . at the sam time I was bad in math and I had know idea what was the math . but i got a desire and i had a big dream that one day I'll join this program . So 2 years before the program suppose to starts their registration . I mad a plan to fix my obstacles and brook my weakness and challenge the math , so I started learning math from the 0 to the calculus. I draw a plan for two years even I made a corner on my room that reminds me of my dream and work for it , at the end I joined this program .

" If you feel it so you can do it " a word that is attached in my dreams board in my room . I belief from all my heart in this quote . Let me tell you my story , during high school I had a dream that one day I will join a program by XXXXXX that is called " XXXXXX " which is a college program for students to study science and prepare them for college, every single day I made a scenario at night that of the picture of me being a student with them . But I had obstacle that stands behind my dream , Math! . I hated this subject and I was bad on it , I did not even understood what it was . though the program was completely for people who has interested in science and specially in math and to join they have a placement test in math . How could I be a engineer while I hate the math ? It was my weakness point .

How ever , I was so dramatic person about my dreams , and I watching too much motivation movies . so I had a big desire that nothing is impossible , actually I had interest in spiritual sciences and I was doing meditation exercises to clear my brain as a habit .

I Promised me that I am going to break this weakness , I started a plan that I would make a real plan to accept the math and challenge it . So I made a corner at my room to make a paper plan in that corner with picture that is related with my goal even I attached a picture of a model of the acceptance letter and a big calendar that is for 2 years later . I bought a calculus books and I took my middle school mathematics books from the old books on the underground , I started learn this subject form the 0 basics from the real basic , to the high level of calculus . I wrote every subject in math on that list .

rodrigolivbr 4 / 7 1  
Oct 7, 2017   #2
Hey @Johana.... I feel like it claims for a table-turning closure. I won't point out grammar mistakes since i'm not a native speaker, though. Good luck!
Memduh 4 / 10 1  
Oct 7, 2017   #3
@Johana

I can a see a plenty of grammatical and spelling mistakes that would make the story hard to be understood. I advise you to check the complete structure of your story
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,564 2483  
Oct 8, 2017   #4
Johana, you misunderstood the purpose of the background story essay. This is not about a shallow dream to join a student program. This is all about a character defining story from your background that will help the reviewer understand who you are as a person. This story that you shared does not really sound like it has the qualifying factor of "your application would be meaningless without it." In fact, the story doesn't even have an ending because you stopped mid narration. This essay is weak and does not deliver any character building traits that normally accompany this prompt. The reviewer needs to have a sense of a conflict or a talent that helped to showcase something special about you. It could be that you had to overcome Dyscalculia, which is a Math learning disability, because of your dream of becoming an engineer. Then your story would be all about how that illness was diagnosed, how you overcame it, and where you are now at your point in life regarding your math learning because of the illness. Your essay needs a foundation, a catalyst, a conflict, and a character building resolution. None of that exists in this essay. Describe something about yourself that will not be known based on the other common app prompts but don't make it such a boring and irrelevant presentation like the one you have now.
OP Johana 1 / 1  
Oct 8, 2017   #5
@Holt
Do u think it will fit in other prompt ?

I don't know what to write on my college essay . I have to write within 1 week

any advice ?
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Oct 8, 2017   #6
Hi Johana, you can definitely stick with math for the topic. But you would need to develop characters and strong conflict in the story. Such as math is your demon and there is an angel beside you who motivates you to combat the demon in your dream etc. I recommend that you read different styles of books which can help you to cultivate different ideas.


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