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"I will feel unhappy as long as I'm there" - Boston University Transfer essay


crossxhearts 4 / 10  
Mar 14, 2011   #1
Hi everyone!

Let me start by introducing myself.

I'm currently a 2nd semester freshman at St. John's University, trying to transfer out, obviously. First-generation Chinese college student in my family, so I'm not sure if it's fine to include that in the essay.

I also wrote about my mother's health in the essay, and I didn't intend on writing a sob story, it just came out with details.

Let me know what might be good to add/remove. Thanks in advance!

So I'm currently using the Common App to submit this, so the topic is:

Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

When I think of Boston University, the image is nothing but warm, peaceful and bright - a bright future. As I looked through a college guide handbook about schools that offer a journalism program, a rare academic program found in most colleges, a few years ago, I was amazed with the numerous amount of programs Boston University offers. What drove me to make a certain decision on applying to Boston University is that BU is the root of 20 graduates' careers that have skyrocketed and are awardees of the notable Pulitzer Prize award, the most prestigious award among most journalists.

My biggest regret is not applying to Boston University when I had a higher chance, during my senior year of high school. For months, I have looked insightfully at the school that could make my dreams of becoming a fashion magazine journalist come true without any relatives that will put the pressure on me to change my fate, but it wasn't until the deadline day that I've realized what my life would be without my parents, especially my mother who would undergo surgery in the summer. After a long, struggling summer and semester of deep thinking, I finally realize that I don't need my parents and they don't need me right now; they need me when they're older and when I have a career. My parents are right: as long as I'm somewhere I don't want to be, I will feel unhappy as long as I'm there.

In one year, I envision myself studying at Boston University happily and peacefully, by doing what I love, such as contributing to some of the student publications, including "The Daily Free Press" as well as student organizations such as Habitat for Humanity. I was astonished by the many organizations that BU offers students a chance to learn, not only academically but also on global issues many might not be familiar with and can learn more about. I am definite that those three years of contributions will be golden in any decision I make in life. In three years, I envision myself as a proud graduate of Boston University, with many academic and life lessons learned, and getting a career started with hopes of being the next Boston University College of Communication graduate who will win the Pulitzer Prize, and proudly say my alma mater, Boston University, has helped me to success, the rest of my life.

This is also my short answer essay, which is:

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

This past summer, I volunteered at the FCPC Program, in what would be an experience of a lifetime. With no working experience, my time, sweat and tears were dedicated in exchange for many lessons I wouldn't have gotten elsewhere. For seven whole weeks of teaching elementary students academically, artistically and ethnically, I have survived with a skill I've been blinded by: teamwork. I've never been one to deal with children because of my unpleasant childhood that barely relates to theirs, but I was finally able to understand a child's needs as well as their feelings. It took me just seven weeks to conceal what my family has taught me to think like an adult as a child and recognize that a child's feelings are just as valuable. This particular extracurricular activity is not just another activity that will boost the reputation of my resume, but an experience I will cherish in my heart, forever.
zailn 6 / 16  
Mar 14, 2011   #2
great that you finally are doing what you have wanted all along! I think you have a great reason for transferring to BU. actually i have this similar reason and i am thinking about doing transfer next year too, and one choice is BU(but not journalism lol)

"As I looked through a college guide handbook about schools that offer a journalism program, a rare academic program found in most colleges, a few years ago, I was amazed with the numerous amount(this is repeating; let's say, change it to a large number of, or numerous programs. anyway i am not used to "amount" being used with countable nouns.) of programs Boston University offers.

After a long, struggling summer and semester of deep thinking(umm this sounds like chinglish to me :P), I finally realize that I don't need my parents and they don't need me right now; they need me when they're older and when I have a career. "

and for your short answer, i have no comments. i think it looks great.

hope this helps!
OP crossxhearts 4 / 10  
Mar 14, 2011   #3
Thanks, Crystal!

I was thinking of, instead of saying "deep-thinking", maybe replace it with insightful thinking? Those were my first words, but I thought I would use insightful too much!

I wish the both of us get in!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 18, 2011   #4
This past summer, I volunteered at the FCPC Program, in what would be an experience of a lifetime.

I think this sentence should be filled with more meaning. It should be made more interesting so that the reader's attention will be captured. Try to revise the end of this sentence so that instead of a the vague idea "experience of a lifetime" you will have some words that sum up the real meaning you are trying to share with this short answer.

...had a higher chance,----what is "higher chance?" Maybe a different term would be better.

... but it wasn't until the deadline day that I've I realized what my ...

I am definite confident that those ...

Nice! This is a great expression of enthusiasm, and it is eloquent!


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