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1250 feet above the ground-view; my common application essay to verify

anushka_s 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2020   #1
Hi, I would really appreciate any help

common application essay

The mental picture I took of that 1250 feet above the ground-view is still so fresh in my mind that if I close my eyes right now I can still see it in front of me and I feel like I am being the 11 year old girl who is mesmerized by the spectacular view of the city with a gorgeous sunset with the sky painted with smoky colours with a hint of purple. I remember thinking that time, how all these people walking down the street look like ants from above here.

As a small girl living in Mumbai in 2014, I cannot stress enough the degree to which I was mesmerized simply by that view .In other words, the most thrilling part of the trip for me when we went to USA on a family vacation, Empire State building view- was the most thrilling part of the trip for me and Disneyland stands second.

I have a fear of heights and being at such high altitude and to look down was meant to terrify me to death but I was so busy being fascinated by the view that I completely forgot about my fear of heights. This had never happened before.I always had difficulty to express in what way that experience affected me so I never really even tried enough to explain anyone in person whenever the topic came up until now because it felt so unreal and personal. I was so lost living in that moment that when I look back now I remember it exactly how all of it felt. It might not seem a very big thing or a life changing moment but I have soaked up so many memories from that moment while watching that city view, I know it always be a part of me.

Off course I didn't realize the importance of this one particular memory from that trip at that age but while growing up I learnt that I have always been pulled towards creating and designing. Its modern, futuristic style opened my eyes to the skill and craftsmanship behind the jaw-dropping structures and the various types of building the area had to offer.

This experience truly gravitated me deeply towards the architectural field and the life changing decision my family took in that very same year, 2014 regarding moving to a different country had only managed to keep me inspired.I could relate to all of those people who moved to a new country to explore more about themselves and opportunities as well. I, along with my family, moved to a small but a very fast growing country, Qatar a few years ago. It was not easy for us to leave everything behind and head towards a fresh new start. It was hard to leave the place where I spent my childhood and leave my friends was not something that I was willing to give away, but, In the end, it all turned out for better. Having the privilege to live in Qatar which has many diverse types of structures like the corniche and various stadiums including the FIFA-2022 stadiums here has only pulled me deeper into this field as I literally watched a city grow in front of my eyes. Infact the country as a whole has developed so much over such a small amount of time that I find it hard to believe it's the same country that I came 6 years ago.

I want to continue studying a subject that can not only quench my thirst to learn but also satisfy my creativity . Even at every science fair, every seemingly random competition entered, I sought to do something, something new.Being able to combine my passion into work would be a once in a lifetime opportunity, after all who doesn't want to contribute towards something that has the power to make people forget about their worst fears.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,124 3267  
Dec 31, 2020   #2
You need to remain age-free in the essay to help the reviewer focus more on what you are saying, rather than trying to convince himself that an 11 year old or a little girl could have been drawn to architecture, without even knowing what architecture was all about yet. Simply imply that you have a long standing interest in architecture that developed when you first visited the Empire State Building and Disneyland. Avoiding an age reference altogether. While you might view the age representation as something unique, that actually doesn't impress the reviewers because they understand that to be an exaggeration on your part. If it isn't, and you are telling the truth, you still won't change their minds. So avoid the age mention, just to make sure their attention goes where it should, without any question or doubt.

There appear to be 2 different common app prompts being discussed in this essay. You should make sure that you apply each statement to the correct prompt. Mixing up the two aren't going to be helpful to your application. I am not sure which of the common apps you are responding to at this point, but I do know that you cannot use both halves of this presentation for a singular prompt. Separate it. Pick from the common app essays. That way you will be able to draft 2 essays from one piece of writing. By the way, you need proof reading in the essay. Some of your grammar is off base and there are spelling errors here and there based on homonym confusion.
OP anushka_s 1 / 1  
Jan 1, 2021   #3
thankyou for your review i will make the required changes and if you dont mind could you mention the places where my grammar was off base so i can correct it

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