Hi! This is my first time posting on EssayForum.
I'd really appreciate it if I could get some feedback on these two paragraphs I wrote in response to the Harvey Mudd supplementary application's first question. Thanks!
Prompt: What influenced you to apply to Harvey Mudd College? What about the HMC curriculum and community appeals to you? Please limit your response to 500 words.
When I visited the Harvey Mudd campus this past summer, I felt immediately at home. The community and curriculum seemed perfectly tailored to my own values and interests. Take Harvey Mudd's size. Having attended Hackley School for 7 straight years, I have grown to appreciate its cozy community of about 80-100 students per grade. With such a small class size, we all get to know each other very well. In school, rarely have I ever felt socially out of place or lost, alone in a sea of strangers - because at Hackley, there are no strangers. This was also the impression I got when I toured Harvey Mudd. Every student I met was extremely kind, relaxed, friendly, and familiar. Although I had only known them for half a day, it seemed as if we were already good friends. That welcoming attitude especially struck me when our tour group blatantly walked in on a random room, where a group of Harvey Mudd students were working on building a drivable couch. Not only did they not mind our barging in, but they even took the time to introduce themselves, give some background information about their own lives, and explain to us what they were doing and how they planned on doing it. That Mudders are willing to let complete strangers in their labs and view their work speaks loudly to me: not only are students at Harvey Mudd proud of their work, but they are also amicable and approachable. I believe Harvey Mudd's small but close-knit, collaborative, and friendly community is exactly the kind of space in which I'd like to spend the next four years of my life.
Further, the curriculum at Harvey Mudd is well suited to my own academic interests and collegiate goals. For one, the common core system guarantees that not only do I obtain a broad knowledge of the sciences, but also that I accrue the skills required to communicate intellectual ideas through writing. In my opinion, being able to compose an effective piece of academic literature is just as important, if not more important, than being able to design and carry out a scientific experiment. What is an idea worth if you are the only one who can understand it? In addition to classroom activities, Harvey Mudd's unique Clinic Program allows the student to apply what he or she learns in class to a practical problem. As a very influental Swiss patent examiner once said, "The only source of knowledge is experience." You may discuss a task in the classroom, but such information is merely a philosophical understanding until you experience the task firsthand. The Clinic program presents a prime opportunity to gain this kind of firsthand experience through working directly in the field. Harvey Mudd's common core and Clinic Program are but a few of the many aspects I admire about its curriculum.
This is a good start but this essay lacks real substance. What you did here was essentially prance around without really digging deep. When HMC says community, they mean more than just feeling like you have friends. They mean the full community, professors, clubs, organizations, community service etc... Talk about the full community and how you plan to interact and engage with it. As for the curriculum, you have demonstrated that you know some of the unique programs that HMC has, but you do not talk fully about how you intend to apply the curriculum to your life /future plans. Try to be very explicit with this. For example you could say; " The engineering clinical program will provide me with hands on experience at a local aerospace engineering business which will provide me with much needed experience." -Admissions Advice Online
Hope this helps