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What would you fight for? & Describe yourself, Honors Program Application


anfernee 6 / 19 13  
Oct 5, 2015   #1
LIBERAL ARTS HONORS: ESSAY RESPONSE (REQUIRED)
We want every Liberal Arts Honors student to aspire to be a Rhodes Scholar, excelling in and out of the classroom with the goal of serving one's family, community, and country. In creating the scholarship, Cecil Rhodes sought young people who have the "moral voice of character and instinct to lead," young people who would "fight one of the world's great fights."

Which of the world's great fights will you fight-and why? (No more than 200 words)

The flames and gun smokes permeates in the testing mall where SAT takes place.The flames and gun smokes permeated in testing malls where SAT takes place, where hundreds of applicants were recalling the memory of a special piece of paper instead of tough vocabulary; they spent much money on the leak "answer key" and thus expected a bright future to be brought by the "high scores" on paper. So my fight will begin here, not for the exam itself, but for the moral values behind it. I wonder why they base the "success on admission" on cheating and how they will proceed on the other side of the Pacific. Believing the diploma and reputation of a "top" university will lead to a decent a job and the accompanying happiness, they trivialize and abandon the "burden" of virtue. I am surprised that the dark part of the adult world is now corroding young teenagers; those burgeoning flowers, who resort to cheating, then start to bribe, fool and distrust others, not realizing that they have driven the world to the primitive animal society, in which the self-interest is supreme.Through humanities and social science. I will fight in the conflict between moral criterion and material needs. I am proud of being such an idealist.

PERSONAL STATEMENT (REQUIRED)
Please write five sentences describing yourself, your life, and your experiences that form an accurate portrayal of who you are. Do not list information provided in your résumé or on the ApplyTexas application. Be creative! Please number the sentences 1 through 5.

1. My mom believes in Voltaire's "Life depends on motions" so that she laughs at my motto that "Life depends on staying motionless"

2. I have been learning the Chinese bamboo flute for over 8 years and therefore be fond of pop music that contains the traditional part of Chinese instruments.

3. Despite my love for watching basketball games, I still prefer DOTA2 since it requires no outdoor preparation and prevents potential harm but can still train my reflexes and cultivate the team spirit.

4. Though always considered as a nerd, I learn for the sake of learning, read (mostly historic and scientific fictions) for pleasure, and write (short stories in random topics) for getting the constant flow of imagination out of my chest.

5. I study Cantonese on my own and have an interest in different Chinese dialects and their influence on us.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 6, 2015   #2
Jize, passing the SAT is not one of the world's greatest fights. In fact, it is limited only the United States. So while, I can understand why you would consider it a "personal" fight to be won, it is not a cause that will change the future or face of the world. I think you should reconsider the response you have to the prompt.

I would have opted for something more earth changing such as climate change, the discord in the Middle East, finding a cure to cancer/AIDS, or even world peace (if you want to really be hyperbolic about it). You could choose something closer to home though. Fight for the rights of children, animals, the unborn. Fight for racial equality, fight for the right to be who you want to be in a world that cannot accept differences that easily.

You need to find a cause, a passion, that you feel so strongly about that you will do anything to help further the cause either by committing yourself to a career in it, supporting the cause through various means, or simply starting the cause. Those are the kinds of things that you fight for. The SAT test results, no so much.

For the personal statement side, change description number 2. You already spoke about the bamboo flute in a previous essay of yours. They don't want repetitions remember? It's in the instructions.

Quick revision for number 4:

write (short stories in random topics) for getting the constant flow of imagination out of my chest. to get the constant flow of imagination out of my mind.
OP anfernee 6 / 19 13  
Oct 6, 2015   #3
Thank you! Actually I intend to SAT as an introduction to moral values, so it may be confusing that I am talking about fighting against SAT to get a good score. Do you think it is a bad idea?

How about change sentence 2 this way:
2. I am good at using jokes or humorous euphemism to resolve the embarrassing.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 6, 2015   #4
Definitely a bad idea Jize. The first reason that it is a bad idea is because you are talking about a country centered battle only. Only the United States requires SAT scores for their college applicants. Second, the SAT tests do not affect the world in any manner. So why are you going to fight it on a global level? Third, I'm not really sure it can relate directly to the lack of moral values.

Why don't you fight for the restoration of respect for one another instead? That way you can discuss a battle for moral values on a global level. Perhaps center your discussion upon the warring countries such as Iran and Iraq. How would you help in the international effort to bring peace to the warring states? It is here that you can say you are fighting an important global fight. Or maybe you can think of something else. Mine is just a sample.

Your replacement for the current number 2 line is good. I think you can use it effectively. Just remember to complete the thought. I am not sure what embarrassing thing you can diffuse with your humor because you did not complete the sentence :-)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 6, 2015   #5
1. My mom believes in Voltaire's "Life depends on motions" so that she laughs at my motto that "Life depends on staying motionless" (very humorous)

2. I have been learningstudying the Chinese bamboo flute for over 8 years
- and therefore beI am fond of pop music that containsincorporates the traditional part of Chinese instruments.

3. Despite my love for watching basketball games, I still prefer DOTA2 sinceas it requires no outdoor preparation and prevents potential harm but can still train my reflexes and cultivate the team spirit.

4. Though I'm always considered as a nerd,
- I learnstudy for the sake of learning, reading (mostly historic and scientific fictions) for pleasure,
- and write (short stories in random topics) for gettingin order to getthe constant flow of imagination out of my chest.

5. I studied Cantonese on my..

I still have to determine the relationship of the questions to your prompt and reading through, I must say that some of the sentences needs more improvement and I did the best I can to improve your essay, I hope it helps.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 6, 2015   #6
Jize, does the fight that you are discussing relate in some way to your chosen college major? If it does, then you are on the right track with your response. However, you need to be a bit more specific towards the end as to how you would fight this on a global scale. Would it be through joining an international group that promotes the use of solar energy? Or perhaps you have an idea for an unlimited alternative power source that can be developed in a lab? Describe why you would fight for the promotion of solar energy. Or tell us why the fight you will start in the lab will reach a global scale. How do you see it making a difference in the world? Just a few more specifics and you should be able to nail that part of the statement already :-)

With regards to your self description, i have a major correction for your 4th one. Please take note of it and apply it to the final copy:

and write (short stories in random topics) to get THE constant flow of imagination out of my chest MIND.

Let me explain why you need to correct that line. The imagination of a person is housed in his mind. In the creativity of the human brain. The human chest only houses the heart. It is not capable of imagination nor creation. All of that happens in the brain , in the mind. Therefore to say that you need to get the constant flow out of your chest is not just grammatically wrong, it is scientifically impossible to to.

The essay is nearing perfection. Just a few more revisions will be necessary at this point. Keep the faith and plug away :-)


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