Please proof read it, and give me constructive feedback all the grammar, spellings, sentence rephrasing, anything that will make it better. I've worked hard on this one, I need it to be perfect.
Q. We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. We are particularly interested in knowing what motivated you to apply to NYU and more specifically, why you have applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and/or area of study?
Why NYU?
~~(407words)~~
*plays Love Me Like You Do in the background*
I cannot believe that sixteen years have passed away. It feels like I just started obsessing over you yesterday, Afterall who can forget all the late-night binges of Gossip Girl and mapping the entire Upper East Side on fingertips and plotting the next Fortune 500 takedown with Suits.
"In and of the New York City" that statement is unmistakably correct and NYU is the heart and soul of this magical, professional and liberal cosmopolitan, it's the epicenter of the business, culture, and law, it's the trendsetter. This city which in fact blends perfectly with NYU wears many crowns and spreads an irresistible feast for every single creative mind.
NYU is my only choice because it takes the Film & Television's curriculum to a whole new level with its collaborative environment and practical knowledge about the field that will ultimately benefit me to be in the spotlight for all my desperate Hollywood needs. The Kanbar Institute of Film and Television offers Cinematography program that will teach me the minute detailing that goes into the camera work behind the scenes to create those stunningly seamless shots we see nowadays. NYU is also the one and only institution that offers such an intricate program in the whole America so I'm enjoying the fact that I'm in love with NYU.
I am super stoked for all the heavenly internship opportunities that the students get at Tisch, I can literally see myself smiling and holding the clapboard in front of the whole cast and crew of huge production studio and saying "Take 2 Scene 7 Endless Hour...Action!!". I might even get to meet my idol, Christopher Nolan while directing the next Apple's Ad. Never Stop dreaming!
Outside of the engrossing classroom, I'd like to watch every single movie that premieres because Movie Passes will be my best friend also the NYU's Film program provides the ideal environment to learn more about how a Film can impact all the areas of the society and culture. Whether it's combating against the budget or fixing a late-night snack everything will be a brand-new adventure at NYU.
You want more reasons to love NYU just forget I wrote any of this and say it out loud in public, say "I go to NYU TISCH" OH! Lord... it's like honey dripping from someone's mouth. I hope you'll let me love you like I do.
*background music fades out*
~~End~~The intent of your essay is great, but I don't necessarily feel as if you want to attend NYU. What I got from your essay is that you seem to love the idea of living in New York, while on scratching the surfaces of things at NYU. I don't necessarily the song reference might help or hurt you because keep in mind there's many people reading your essay. I would advise you to look back at the reason as to why you decided to apply to NYU; forget that NYU is in New York, what are one or two specific things about NYU that you can expand on throughout your essay to convince them that you truly want to attend NYU.
Thank you so much for taking out your time to reply.
I just wanted to ask you for your advice, What all do you think I should definitely remove from the essay?
You would be able to judge me really well, I am a creative person, Film is my only choice I do not have any backup plan, I'm going all in with this.
I don't know how to express all of this in my essay.
@Holt I'd love some valuable advice from you. You seem to give critical feedback to everyone.
Please help me too. Thank you in advance.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Nirvigna, this essay does not need any background music. You don't need to "love me like you do". You just need to explain why you want to go to NYU sans any diversionary tactics. The introduction of the music and the description of NYC is misplaced in this essay. You are not being asked about why you want to go to NYC, it's all about NYU. The first reference is a prompt deviation that never helps any applicant. If you want to go to NYC, then go there, you don't need to attend NYU to see NYC, get it? What is that Gossip Girl reference all about? How does that relate to NYU?
Most of what you say in this essay sounds like you just took it from the university website. There is no real relationship between the classes you want to take and your interest in film. What you will be taught and what you hope to learn are two different things. What are the academic goals you hope to achieve as a film making student at NYU? As a reviewer, I am not being informed about that in your essay.
You are in love with NYU? Prove it, list your academic and professional goals as you see NYU allowing access to both. No, I don't mean the free movie passes but yet, I mean the internship opportunities. Add to the latter part in relation to your professional goals and remove the free passes.
