@vangiespen Sorry I have to make another post, I dont know why my account was suspended... I changed a bit as you said, hope you can give a look?
btw: I couldn't decide which prompt to take yet, I have to make my content looks good first. And what I mean by Science and Art are subjects like math, chemistry and literature, history painting such... it is not liberal arts education:) And this is a college application main essay..
any comments is ok, if you think my content are good, you can then make comments on my grammar or sentence structure etc, the more the better~! thanks a lot!!
When I was little, as a girl I have swear that I would never go learn (liberal) art. As other girls' hateful subject, Math has always been my best among the others. And on some level, I have always been proud of that. (I will write more about this part, I just can't come up with any right now..)
At the time of high school, I started to watch many different movies because I have heard that watching original movies is a good way to learn a new language. During those periods, I found that movie is no only about an imaginative story, but also revealing. It is not about superficial drama, instead a good film will not let you guess the ending easily, and it will also has vivid pictures.
When I saw a documentary about Titanic's filmmaking process, I first knew that a movie is not only about a person, a team or a few machines. It gathers knowledge in many different fields, and it has been praised as the seventh art. The movie's sense of beauty and the sense of modern technology are all the things that I was pursuing for. I remember that Apple's founder Steve Jobs once put his taste of beauty into the design of such a technical product. Maybe, the two things are similar; after all, they are all derived from the same beginning.
However, I always felt like I am too far away from being a filmmaker. I have never touched anything related to a film project, and even do not know how to make a real movie. Even before those things have been/are all solved, I realized the biggest problem for now is I have not have any formal art training since I have stepped into high school. In a movie, there is also a lot that separates the technic and art, art is a total different power from science, it does not try to use data or numbers to shock or persuade you, instead is personal emotion or reflection. Art is so free and beautiful, it is not restricted. Through lens of art you could see the world differently, and you could also build the beauty right from your hands. But how could I, a maverick, who only knows a bit of technology to handle the big picture.
But usually a chance came, not until you have been prepared. I was excited to first hear about this news, but I really did not hope myself to engage in it. Some of my friends said to me that, "Film? Why do you want to study that?" Yes, when they were doubting me, I started to doubt about myself too. My comparative weakness on the basic knowledge of art makes me hesitated. But ever since I clam down to myself, the center of my interest can always not escape photography and cinematography.
One of my classmates' father is working in a local TV station, one day, one of his staffs was invited here to give us a lecture. The reason is, our international department is holding a micro movie competition around our trip to the nearby town, Jinggang.
During that lecture, I felt a stronger sense of comprehension about film, I knew that how it was filmed, what components it, and what does each lens/scene means. It all made sense. Above all of the film I have watched and tried to analysis, it all could not compare with this one class. The more I know about it, the more I wanted to explore about it, and felt like I should try it this time. I knew that back that time, I was even not little related to filmmaking, I knew that people will feel strange when they saw me speak. And I also knew that there were people in front of me who were discussing to have the place. But I did not expect to make a big fortune out of it, and I also did not expect to xx. I just felt this is the right thing to do, and if I do not seize it now, I might lose it forever.
I valued this chance, and (volunteered to be the director). I hope I can make it(into)a fortune. I contacted the other six members to form up our team. One of the members pointed that, "Why we do not do this like a sitcom? That would be much funnier." I considered about that, but I want to make use of the resource that the ancient town had left to us, not simply to hold a play and make it the background. I set this as a documentary form, "The most common way, but will never wrong for a beginner." We shot as we walk through each storefront, to find each ideal one for the documentary. I seemingly sensed the energy, when I was working with them, and discussing it with them. The energy that makes me excite, makes me dream, and makes me burst.
Art might be challenging and different from science, but that is the differences that needs you to sense it with heart, not head. In film, there seems is not clear separation, this is film, a subject that I love, and pursuing. The person as "I" cannot change, but the contents and ingredients are always changing. No matter who I am now and who I was in the past, the only sure thing is I will keep my rational brain and the artsy heart.
cindy, I can't properly review your revised essay because you did not include the prompt when you posted it. Even if I understand what you wrote, I cannot tell you if were able to respond to the provided prompt in the correct manner. Kindly supply me with the prompt as soon as possible so that I can better review your essay. In the meantime, I will give you an overall review of your essay instead. It will just be general comments regarding the possible problems the essay might have.
For starters, your thesis statement, that is your current first paragraph, should reflect a direct response to the prompt that you were provided. Somehow, I don't feel like your paragraph is leading up to such a reference towards the end. What exactly are you trying to say? You keep talking about why you don't like liberal arts, yet you are applying for a liberal arts degree. So why not discuss instead, why you want to have a degree in that field instead?
What you have to develop is the idea as to why you decided to change the slant of your academic career in college. What is the difference between your interest in the sciences and liberal arts? What attracted you to Liberal Arts? Your reference to Titanic and Steve Jobs doesn't really paint a complete picture for the reader.
Your essay lacks a central theme for discussion at the moment. You need to review the prompt , which you should provide to me as well, and figure out what it wants you to discuss and how you should discuss it. I can probably help direct you towards that once I know what you are trying to or supposed to discuss.
I think "a interest that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it" or "a problem you have solved" could be the choices. But I do not know whether second would work...I am confused finding the key problem...
About what you suggested, I think I do described all of them, and I am telling why I changed and why I wanted to change. I was just trying to say that film was appealing to me, but as the same time I was struggling whether to further explore it or not, because it needs basics about art or more things that are different from which science I need to learn. I talked about "the difference between my interest in the sciences and liberal arts" in paragraph 4, and "What attracted you to Liberal Arts", because there are many things that attracted me at the same time, including the singer that you asked to to replace it last time, so I just simply talked about how I was interested in film in paragraph 2&3.
and I talked about Titanic is because Titanic is the first leading movie that I get to have a big picture of what is behind the scenes, and know the portion of art in a film.
but thinks for all that, hope you can give me more suggestions.
I think you can best use this essay for the "background" prompt. The problem, is that you did not successfully explain the transition of your interest from sciences to the arts. Your first paragraph should contain a reference to your interest in science and then end with a transition sentence that will help explain why you became interested in the arts.
Your second paragraph should begin to show how your interests continued to change and eventually, led to a new mindset that also led to your new major. However, I would not concentrate the discussion on the movie Titanic alone. It would be better for your essay if you spoke of the interest as having developed through your video making activities. A personal depiction of the growth of an interest, something that you actually participated in, rather than watched, is one of the best ways to present that development.
Your third paragraph, should continue to highlight your developing interest in film and why you have developed a passion for it. Explain your plans for your future, your ambition, and how you feel that becoming a film maker will complete you as a person. What is the main purpose for your desire to become a film maker?
Conclude with a discussion as to how you see your passion consuming you so much that you absolutely have to give in to your desire to become a film maker.
