This is one of my essays for my "senior" scrap book require for my English class. Please give me suggestions on how to improve it. I was instructed to write 10 essays pertaining to my life up to my senior year--- Thank You
My Final Year
Everyone has their own expectations, hopes, and fears about their senior year of high school. My senior year has contained all of the above and more. This year has taught me many things; such as, leadership, time management, and appreciation for the teachers in my life. Perhaps, some people expect more out of this vital year. As for me, I could not appreciate it more.
For instance, this year I was chosen to be one of the section leaders for our high school band. Such a position takes an enormous amount of skill, leadership and responsibility. In order to be a section leader, you must be among the elite class of students in the band. Also, you must be able to keep your section under control. Finally, it is essential that you make sure they obtain all of their music, drill charts, and chips. Through the completion of all of the tasks I have gained the ability to lead a group of people.
Furthermore, I have learned how to manage my time this year. I am expected to get high grades in all of my classes while having a job on the side, and practicing my tuba, going to play in the orchestra, and competing in local and state band clinics. It would be impossible to do all of these things if I had no sense of time and how to manage it.
Lastly, I would be nowhere if I had not, the greatest people I know to teach and guide me through the struggles in which I have and will face in my final year of education. Mr. Jay, Mr. Tree, Mrs. Johnson, my mother and father, and my brother are those great, wonderful people who have blessed my life this year. They have created the person I have become. For without them would be as if an engine without gasoline.
In conclusion, I have learned many things throughout my life. Some of which are essential in the development from adolescent to adult. For the most part, that knowledge was distributed to me in my 12th grade year of high school. I was taught leadership, time management, and appreciation for my teachers.
The essay seems to lack focus. In choosing to cover three separate events, you have ensured that you don't have enough room to make any of them interesting. I'd suggest focusing one only one of your examples, but going into a lot more detail on whichever one you choose.
Yes, it will be great if you can link the three topics together with a common theme that applies to all of them. Mention this theme both at the beginning and at the end, as if you are gift-wrapping the whole piece in a thesis statement. Sandwich the topics between two ideas, one in the beginning and one at the end, that express the underlying theme. Put lots of thought into it, and it will be great!!
