this is my academic interest essay... I really understand it is far from good... so please, please help me with it... any advice will be keenly appreciated！
My academic interest
People's interests are objective. Their visions change, the interests change. I dreamt to be a designer ever since a little girl till last year. Designer dream lasted for almost 14 years, however, superseded by the goal of being a practitioner in finance when Chinese launched a series boycott to Carrefour.
It was the behavior of patriotism, but obviously irrational. I was at that time undertook a mission-giving a speech about the theme above. However, in the procedure of collecting profiles that demonstrate boycott changes nothing, but finance does, things more than I anticipated appeared: the so-called currency war, the sub-prime mortgage crisis... I was stunned by those unfamiliar but magic vocabularies and concepts, gradually feeling that actuarial science is the best combination of my interest and forte, math.
Though both of the finance ABC and mathematics class are available in my curriculum, finance to me is not as apparent as mathematics. I surely can get full marks in mathematics tests; even can describe what mathematics like. In the contrast, finance to me is much more mysterious-it controls all parts of the modern capital or social societies, and; it is a random system, however still has some regular patterns; it is cold, emotionless, nevertheless finally is able to boom society. Healthy finance to the whole world is what healthy body to person; as well, finance now is no longer a way for banker to obtain fortune, but for making appreciation to public wealth, and eventually benefits society.
Finance now opens a totally new perspective for me to contemplate, at the same time offers me a fresh feeling of academic that seldom provided by fundamental subjects. So the reason to build up the first economic club, which is a new hit, in my high school, emerged.
any advice please
I like your take on finance vs. math. It is refreshing an relevant. Here is what I suggest to strengthen what I think you are saying: I DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH ROOM TO FINISH, SORRY!!
People's interests are objective subjective. Their As TIME PASSES, visions change, the LIKE interests change. I dreamt to be (BETTER MY DREAM WAS TO BECOME) a designer ever since (I WAS) a little girl till (WRONG WORD USAGE - UNTIL?) last year. ADD "My" Designer dream lasted for almost 14 years, (WRONG WORD --however,) superseded by the goal of being a practitioner in finance when Chinese (CONSUMERS?) launched a series (SERIES OF WHAT?? DID YOU MEAN SERIOUS??) boycott to Carrefour.
Other parts that need grammatical correction, clarification, specificity:
1) I was at that time undertook a mission-giving a speech about the theme above. NOT ONLY IS THIS GRAMMATICALLY PROBLEMATIC, GIVING A SPEECH DOES NOT EXACTLY QUALIFY AS A 2( MISSION...
2) collecting profiles (WHAT PROFILES?) that demonstrate boycott changes nothing (NOT CLEAR, DO YOU MEAN IS NOT PERSUASIVE? CONSTRUCTIVE?) but finance does (DOES WHAT?) , things more than I anticipated (UNANTICIPATED EVENTS??) appeared: the so-called currency war, the sub-prime mortgage crisis..
3) magic vocabularies and concepts (MAGIC MAY NOT BE THE BEST ADJECTIVE, AND CONCEPT ALONE IS CLEARER THAN VOCAB & CONCEPT)
4) gradually feeling (WAS IT GRADUAL OR DID IT SUDDENLY HIT YOU) that actuarial science is the best combination of my interest and forte (STRENGTH??), math.
5) even can describe what mathematics like. (DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN DEFINE MATH? DEFINE WHAT IT LIKES DOES NOT MAKE SENSE, MATH DOES NOT LIKE ANYTHING OR ANYONE...)
really appreciate your help！！
Your english is much better here than in your other essay on volunteer work which could be a good essay once you fix the language usage. Do you need more help on that one??
thank you soooooooooooooooooooooo much! but i decided to discard that one... that one sucks...
thank you! if it is possible, please give me some help in another activity/experience essay... i'll really appreciate!
