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"I find the strength of women" - Why wellesley essay


himaya 3 / 7  
Nov 10, 2010   #1
I really worry about my grammar issues...

From a very young age, I have thought about the difference between male and female. Despite the recent efforts in narrowing the gap of traditional thinking toward men and women, people still tend to believe that men are better at leadership and future orientation, even though we share the same dream and both of us strive hard to achieve our ambitions. Every time I see pictures gallery of CEOs of companies, deans of colleges, and even presidents of many nations, I see there is an invisible barrier which continually excludes females from these occupations.

So when I first learned Wellesley from a book of my favorite writer Bing Xin, a prolific and respected thinker and writer who used to study in Wellesley almost a century ago, I was like "Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I want." Not only the stunning beauty of Lake Waban which described frequently in her writing is so appealing to me, but a perfect place for me to further my study and grow as a person. Since Wellesley focuses on women individuals, there is no need to worry about the superiority of men. With the excellent education given by the world's best women's college, I can prepare myself for leadership by getting involved in class learning and numerous communities, and pursue the career I always dream for.

As a women college, to my surprise, Wellesley is never ill-informed; it constantly seeks to offer a variety of knowledge both on campus and off campus. Because it offers the opportunity of cross-registration with MIT, in addition to broaden my educational experience, I will learn and exchange different values with a larger academic and social world. The most fascinating part to me is Wellesley-in-Aix; I was greatly shocked to learn that it is total 29 years this project has been performed. I have already set a goal of learning French as my second foreign language, so with the fantastic chance Wellesley gives to me, besides being fluent in French, I can also experience a new culture and even a totally different way of life. Just like the Director said, "To move within a new frame of cultural reference, to develop routines that integrate you into the rhythm of the city, to have French sounds and songs and bilingual jokes in your head-these are deep intellectual pleasures."

Because the amazingly small size and cozy atmosphere, I am looking into knowing each single person in Wellesley, and professors as well. Although in my high school we studied in a fix class, I still feel lonely when I walked through a crowd of students from other classes who I never have a chance to talk to. I had already familiar with these faces I saw in three years, but I could not even say "Hi" to them because there was no overlap between us. Rather than passing each other without any expression, I would like to enjoy the lifestyle in Wellesley that I can smile to everyone everyday no matter where am I and no matter who is the person.

How I awed by these brilliant contributions students give to the society, how I exhilarate about the favorable opportunity of study abroad program, and how I wistful for these lifelong friendships girls in Wellesley formed! I know it is where I belong to: In Wellesley, I find the strength of women; I find the key of knowledge; I find the door of opportunity; I find affection and unity. In Wellesley, I find home.

jenniferxau - / 3  
Nov 10, 2010   #2
Hi there! First sentence: "have" is plural so "difference" should be plural also -> "differences"
Second sentence: a bit wordy try to break it down
Third sentence: the list does not parallel each other (remove even)

So when I first learned Wellesley from a book of my favorite writer Bing Xin, a prolific and respected thinker and writer who used to study in Wellesley almost a century ago, I was like "Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I want."

I would remove "so" and change "was like" to something else (maybe said) because it is a bit informal.

Okay sorry I would help you on the rest, but I have to get back to my other work!!!

Hope my little tips helped though x)
OP himaya 3 / 7  
Nov 12, 2010   #3
Can you help me with the rest´╝č
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 19, 2010   #4
Despite the recent efforts in narrowing to narrow the gap of traditional thinking toward men and women, people still tend to believe that men are better at leadership and future orientation, even though we both genders share the same dream and both of us strive hard to achieve our ambitions.

...almost a century ago, I was like reflected, "Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I want."

... and pursue the career about which I always dream. for .

How I was awed by these brilliant contributions students give to the society, how I became exhilarated about the favorable opportunity associated with the study abroad program, and how I wistful hope for these lifelong friendships girls in Wellesley to form !

:-)
wwd 1 / 8  
Dec 7, 2010   #5
maybe there is a grammar error:

but a perfect place for me to further my study and growth (not grow) as a person

good luck :)


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