UC Prompt #1: Finding My Salvation

Please read my personal statement and give me any feedback that you may have whether it may be additions or changes. I appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I was born and raised into a faithful Catholic family, and growing up, never did I question any of the beliefs and teachings of "my" religion. We attend church religiously every Sunday and other occasional holidays. I attended catechism as a child, received my first communion in the second grade, and confirmed my Catholic faith in the tenth grade. After confirming my faith, I thought that was the end of my journey in finding my own religion, but little did I know that it was barely the beginning.

I come from a close knit family who does almost everything together. My friends have always envied the close relationship that I hold with my parents and my two sisters because they are easily the first people I go to to confide in when problems arise. Although as supportive as my parents have been throughout my whole life, I didn't know how open-minded they were going to be with the doubts that I was having about the Catholic Church. I was afraid to voice my opinions because I knew that my parents were going to think that I was just falling on the wrong "path" and I somewhat felt the same way. I thought that maybe I shouldn't pay attention to the questions that arose in my mind because they were just there to challenge me and to trip me up.

My feelings about my Catholic faith grew stronger and stronger; but I didn't know whether these feelings were positive or negative. I didn't know how to explain it, but I felt something very different in my heart. In my journey to finding God, I was able to find my own footing by myself. I eventually realized that the Catholic religion became a norm for me. I was neither happy nor sad about it, but I was comfortable. Being Catholic was what was convenient for me and being at ease was what became important.

My road to salvation became more difficult as time progressed because I was doing it alone. The people that I always had behind me were no longer there and I had to cope with my problems on my own. As strenuous as I was during this part of my life, never have I felt so passionate about finding an answer. I referred back to the bible and there, I found the answers that I was looking for.

This has shaped my dreams and aspirations because I no longer settle for something that I am comfortable with. I've realized that it is okay to ask questions and challenge the ideas around me. More importantly, I've realized that it is okay to be different. In this process, I was able to break out of my family, but in an intelligent and respectful manner. Although at times I was discouraged by the different situations going on around me, I was able to keep going and trust, acknowledge, and follow God and his goodness. It is not easy to live a Christian life, but it is easy to ridicule and mock our lifestyle. It is a growing spiritual journey and I am still learning everyday.

Religion has been and will always be a touchy subject in my family but I will eventually find the right time to tell them about my decision to part ways from the Catholic Church.

You describe your world well, but you need to tie in it in with your dreams and aspirations. You can talk about how your relationship with God allows you to serve in a job, possibly to help the needy. Or you can comment on how you will bring upon how you want your family to be religion wise--values, goals, and morals. Just a few suggestions.

Thanks for the reply. My point on this essay was to tie how I was able to find my own footing without anyone elses help. I bring up my transition away from the Catholic Church because it shows that I am able to challenge and questions things. I wanted to tie it to my dreams and aspirations in a way of trying to say that I don't want to settle for anything less and that if I was able to go through that journey alone, I for sure will do well in college by myself and that I won't need my hand to be held.

Thank you so much :)

Your essay is nicely written, but i feel that it lacks a thesis/theme: however, you've stated this in your reply: "My point on this essay was to tie how I was able to find my own footing without anyone elses help."

this is great, but this needs to be IN your essay! I recommend deleting the things that twizzlestraw mentioned. make this more of a theme, and weave it in a little better, although it seems like you've started to do that, add it in more.

"It is not easy to live a Christian life, but it is easy to ridicule and mock our lifestyle"
i also highly recommend deleting this. its totally irrelevant, simply from a literary perspective.

"Religion has been and will always be a touchy subject in my family but I will eventually find the right time to tell them about my decision to part ways from the Catholic Church. " this is an interesting point, but the way you worded it and placed it in the essay is not good. weave it in at the end, and tie it into how you can find the inner strength to "come out" as non-catholic. tie in something about 'mustering courage' and 'you will soon find the right time and the inner strength to do that now that you've grown, etc.', and that will help sort of to prove your point, i think, and help to tie the essay together.

I cut a lot of stuff out about my family in order to make room for a stronger conclusion. After rewriting, this is what I've come up with.

This has shaped my dreams and aspirations because I no longer settle for something that I am comfortable with. I've realized that it is okay to ask questions and challenge the ideas around me. More importantly, I've realized that it is okay to be different. In this process, I was able to rationally break away from my family to form my own ideas while respecting theirs. Although at times I was discouraged by the different situations going on around me, I was able to keep going and trust, acknowledge, and follow God and his goodness.

It is a growing spiritual journey and I am still learning every day. This challenge that has been thrown my way not only has helped me become a stronger person, but has also forced me not to look for the easy way out. I've become more independent and no longer need hand holding. I was able to find my footing on my own, and will surely be able to do that in the near future.