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'A finished melody' - Why Connecticut College?


rahilsavani 4 / 12  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
Hey guys I just finished this essay 10 mins back, I think my idea is good but I haven't elaborated well enough

Choosing Connecticut College reminds me of the time when I went to buy my first acoustic guitar. Though it has been eight years since then but whenever I see Connecticut College I get reminded about my guitar. It looked like any other ordinary guitar with a body, six strings, a bridge, a fret board and a head. The more I plucked its strings, the more my choice seemed clear. Like each string plays an important role in forming a melody, Connecticut College has six aspects like a guitar that will shape me into a melody. When I see Connecticut College as a guitar, my six strings are: the academic rigor, Location, the connections I will make, the exposure to my field of study, extra-curricular activities and the diverse cultures Connecticut College offers me. As the strings play a major role in the guitar, they are useless without the bridge and the head. The bridge on the guitar holds the strings in place and the head fine tunes the strings. In Connecticut College the faculty plays as the bridge in the guitar while the head is the flexibility of the college. Both of these are the supporting factors of the strings which help form a finished melody which will be me once I have graduated.

Harsh Comments are welcome as I really need to make this better :)
TheN3094 4 / 16  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
I like your comparison because you are comparing it to something that was meaningful to you but that's what you need to work on. Show how it was meaningful and explain why the college is the one for you and why you belong there. Also the first 2 sentences are kinda repetitive, they are basically saying the same thing.

Other than that I think it's pretty good. :)

PLEASE HELP ME WITH MINE. MINE IS DUE IN A 2 DAYS!!!!! thank you. :)


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