Prompt: If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.
My essay is pretty rough.. I'm already sick of writing it haha. It's due 12/10/09 (tomorrow augh) and I've been struggling to make it good (esp. the conclusion). I know it's pretty bleh and I need your input. Please help! Thank you so much, in advance!
All I knew, when I entered high school as a little freshman, was that I wanted to have a purposeful career, one with which I could truly positively impact other people. It was not until I took my first biology class and enrolled in an Emergency Medical Technician-Basic course that I had that "aha!" moment. From that point on, I have wanted to enter the medical field. Duke University will foster my enthusiasm in the sciences and present me with a myriad of options, all the while allowing me to really enjoy my undergraduate experience. This innovative institution has a unique personality-it is not only a brilliant blend of enriching academics and a diverse and invigorating social scene, but also a place where I would be more than just a number.
At Duke, the amount of opportunities seems infinite. Something that really strikes me is DukeEngage, a way to integrate two of my passions, community service and medicine, into one practical course of action. Another realm of possibilities lays in the unparalleled resources for pre-medical students, from the medical center nearby to the pre-medical clubs, the pre-medical advisors to the easy-to-find internship, volunteering, and shadowing opportunities. In addition, the size of the school allows for smaller, more personal classes. This would be a classroom environment that I would thrive in; I am the student who asks questions, loves discussions, and appreciates approachable teachers. With all this within fingers length, I could develop intellectually while still maintaining my own identity; I would be defined by my name, not by a number. But there is a whole other aspect of Duke outside of the classroom that I love-the spirit of the students is electrifying and the entire campus is always active. I can really imagine myself in a crowd of enthusiastic Dukies, cheering on the Blue Devils, partaking in a variety of extracurriculars, namely the Visual Arts Committee or Ultimate Frisbee, or just relaxing in Duke Gardens. The diversity of activities and people really give me the space to dance to my own beat. I have no doubt that I will be able to cultivate my passions and discover my potential at Duke University.
I can really imagine myself in a crowd of frenzied Dukies, cheering on the Blue Devils, partaking in a variety of extracurriculars, particularly the Visual Arts Committee or Ultimate Frisbee, or just relaxing in Duke Gardens.
i dont know how i feel about the word "frenzied." it just doesn't seem appropriate here
overall, it's a good essay! i like it a lot! good job and good luck
Thank you!
I took your advice and now.. I have a revised version. Still a little scruffy, but it's a lot better, I think. :)
Also.. is "extracurriculars" a word? And is "Dukies" appropriate to use?
Thanks :)!
At Duke, the amount of opportunities seems infinite.
Duke University will foster my enthusiasm in the sciences and present me with a myriad of options
No, these are not the partiular things they asked you about; they are genera things. I think a particular thing would be a certain faculty member, a certain unique program, etc. It should be something that makes your story very original, and it will make them feel like they cannot neglect to admit you to the school if you have hopes of using one of it's particular resources.
I don't feel bad about asking you to revise, because you are a great writer!!
